I've lost count

Well, I have finally finished The Book of Fred. It was about a young girl being separated from her family and being placed in a foster care family. Mary's family belong to a cult and her little brothers die because her parents refuse medical help for a routine illness. Mary is then taken away from her parents as they await trial and placed with a foster family of three. Mary learns to fit in with her new family and the family learns quite a bit from Mary as well. The details about the fictional cult were interesting. I liked the way the daughter of the foster family, Heather, learns to acccept Mary and how they become friends. The story is told through the different characters point of views so it fills you in on a deeper level when it switches around. It was an interesting read, better if I had actually read it consistently throughout a few days instead of ten pages at a time spread out over 4 months. But that is what happens when you have to go to work everyday and cannot stay home and read all day long.

I am adjusting to my teaching job. It is actually going pretty well. I think I am doing a pretty good job. There are many things I need to do to get more organized, but that will come, I think. I am looking forward to spending 2 full weeks at home with my girlies and husband enjoying the Christmas holiday break. So much left to do between lesson plans, shopping, wrapping, making gifts for teachers and friends, and reading Harry Potter to my girlies. We started the first book back in August and have been progressing straight through when we can at bedtime. We are almost finished with The Prisoner of Azkaban and the girlies are getting anxious to find out how it all turns out. I just love reading to them and sharing a favorite book of mine with them.

I'm not sure what I'll pick to read next for myself, but to hoping I can get at least one book read over the holidays. I just love to read!

looking forward to the holidays

Hey, I'm still trying to read through The Book of Fred. I get a few more pages read here and there, I'm planning on finishing it off over Thanksgiving Break. I am looking forward to it, relaxing with my girlies, baking Christmas cookies, going Christmas shopping, decorating the house. My husband doesn't know it yet but I am planning on putting up the tree right after Thanksgiving. I think I'll need the reminder of joy and happiness this December. The calendar is filling up and it is still November! I hope we manage to slow down a bit and really enjoy this season. I don't want it to fly by in a blur. I want to savour every detail of the holidays and remember how my girlies are still in awe of the whole wonderful time. Lists to be made, gifts to make and wrap and deliver, cookies to eat, parties to go to, Christmas books to share, snuggle time, traveling to Grandma's house, playing with the cousins... it just goes on and on.

2 weeks

2 weeks into the new job and already I'm exhausted:) I had forgotten about a lot of the paper-work type things that can often get in the way of time for teaching and planning to teach. I guess I just need to get organized and make a plan for carrying out all my new duties. So, I had better go and get started....

race day

OK, so no PR for me but I ran a good race. I finished in 43:31 - just one minute and 6 seconds off my PR goal. Not bad considering all the chest congestion and stuffy sinus stuff. It's too bad I got the cold, I think I may have done it otherwise. Maybe that is just being optimistic but something has to carry me through the next year of training and try again in the 2010 race:)

When I started to breathe hard and sent my running buddies ahead. They did an awesome job and if I would have been able to keep up with them I would have done awesome too. They finished just under 40 minutes. So, either I have been really slowing them down all summer, or I would have done great today without the cold symptoms. I choose to believe I could have finished better without the cold:) I'm not using it as an excuse, just motivation for next year.

Have a great Labor Day weekend!

new job

Wow, so it has been a crazy 2 weeks. I interviewed for my seventh job this summer and finally got one! So I am returning to the classroom and teaching first grade again! I am very overwhelmed with the amount of information being given to me at the moment but I did enjoy teaching my students today. So, maybe it will all even out. Eventually I will feel like I know what I need to know and in the mean time I'll just concentrate on the kids and do what I think is best for them.

My own children have been wonderful little helpers. They have changed buses to accommodate me and have asked to help clean up the classroom and help decorate for me. Hopefully their enthusiasm over the whole situation will continue long after the novelty wears off. Maybe I'll be more organized soon and we won't have to be at the school as long. I'm trying to be optimistic:)

My 4 mile race is in the morning so I hope it goes well. If you are awake at 8:00 am tomorrow, wish me luck! I'll let you know how I do. Remember, my goal time is under 42:26. I just want to beat my old record. I have a little bit of a cold so I hope that doesn't interfere. Doesn't if figure, just a half day in a school building and I get a cold! At least I feel better than I did on Tuesday and Wednesday. Anyway, I'm off to bed to get enough rest, tune in tomorrow for the results....

yet another one

Yet another interview tomorrow. I am getting tired of this. This may be the last one for me for a good, long time. The constant up and down, the emotional roller coaster. The trying to imagine rearranging my whole life to fit in a job at this point in my life when I really still want to be super mom and not just another working mom. I know it takes a lot of determination and balance to pull this off gracefully; I wonder if I have it in me. I think about the things that will be for the better. The paycheck, the extra money to pay off and pay for things we haven't been able to do in along time, maybe even ever. The pride in teaching yet another group of little people to read and enjoy school. The hugs and expectant faces looking to for all kinds of information. The stories to be read aloud. The science experiments to be demonstrated.

It seems to me the good is all about helping other people and feeling good about it. The bad is the more selfish side of me, wanting to make sure I don't give away the best of me to other people's children and not save any patience and love for my own wonderful girlies. Guess I'll just have to wait and see...yet again, what happens next. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

first day of school

Well, my girlies are off to start another year at school. They were very excited this morning and had no trouble getting ready. We carefully picked out our outfits last night, all the way down to socks and shoes and jewelry choices. They ate quickly, brushed their teeth and hair, and were standing out at the end of the driveway waiting for the bus in record time. I am so excited for them and hopeful that another school year will be fun and challenging for my little girlies.

Personally, I am so very sad. My treadmill cannot be fixed! The belt has torn so far this time that it cannot be reattached. No more super glue, hot glue, or staples will bring it back to life. I have been running outside with a friend this summer preparing for a 4 mile race that is in 2 weeks. But when the weather turns colder, I am going to miss that treadmill. I hope that I will be able to get another one soon so I don't use that as an excuse not to exercise. I know the running/walking I do on the treadmill is good for my heart and my stress level. I feel better after I exercise even though I really don't "love" exercising. Maybe I'll be able to find a part time job very soon to help pay for such an expense. I would like a treadmill that has programmed routes/circuits this time. One that automatically speeds up, slows down, does hill intervals, etc. depending on which plan you choose. I haven't researched them much lately but I think I will start, so I'll be ready when we have the money to splurge on a new one. Wish me luck and if you know anything about treadmills, please share!

summer plans

I am listening to Pandora - I go back and forth between my Marie Digby station and my One Republic station - and thinking about the last four days of summer. My girlies start school on Monday! I am in a kind of mourning. I have had so much fun with my girlies this summer, even when we didn't do anything at all. It has been a great summer filled with learning to ride their bikes without training wheels and learning to swim. We got to practice swimming a lot this summer. Thanks to all my friends that invited us to their pools! We had a lot of play dates with friends and even a few sleepovers. We met with our mother-daughter book club and saw a few movies. We painted on canvas and learned to make friendship bracelets. We went out for ice cream and shopped at the book fair. I still can't believe it is almost over! Even with all that we did there are several things I had planned on doing but we just didn't get to, like blackberry picking, bowling, ice skating, teaching the girls to cook/bake, and camping outside in our backyard.

I am going to miss them when they head off to first and third grade. Today, my youngest is at a friend's house celebrating his birthday and I have his big sister here playing with my oldest. They are playing with their American Girl dolls outside and having mini-marshmallows on toothpicks. Not sure what they are doing with it all, but they have a plan and are having fun. So, who am I to ask too many questions:)

The girlies are excited to get back to school though, to see their friends they haven't seen for 2 months, to meet their new teachers, to make new friends. Tonight is Back to School Night for both girls. M moves up to the elementary school this year so we have a brand new school to explore and learn about. I think I may be more curious than she is about her new school. This is also the first male teacher she will have - other than PE. She is really looking forward to school and seeing her friends tonight. S can't wait to see her teacher, a young woman in her second year of teaching. I hope she is bubbly and happy and understands S's need to move around. I hope they both will be happy with their teachers and enjoy school for another year.

I cannot believe there are only four days to go! Maybe I'll get some more time to keep reading once they are back at school. Still working on book #87 - The Book of Fred. I have been having too much fun playing with my girlies to read lately!

family visit

wow - I can't believe I haven't posted since 8/7! I took a little vacation - I mean, a visit to see our family. Family visits aren't really vacations are they? First we went to meet our new nephew (beautiful 5 day old baby boy!) and see my brother and sister in-law, in-laws, grandparents and an aunt on my husband's side. Then we ventured to see my dad and kids, mom and sister and the other set of cousins. The kids had a ton of fun. We swam in the pool and shopped at an outlet center in PA where there is no tax on clothes for school. Then we left our children at Gramma's house in PA and came on back home. The girlies stayed with Gramma till yesterday - a whole week! They got spoiled and played mini golf, went to 2 amusement parks, countless toys from McDonalds, etc. What they also got was junk food, no bedtime, and rewarded for whining! It should take a few days to whip them back into shape:)

I really missed them. It was exceptionally quiet in the house and for the most part I just tried to enjoy doing nothing. Reading a book, catching up on some TV I had recorded on the DVR, grocery shopping alone! Although I enjoyed getting to do these things by myself, I really found that I like the swirling chaos of noise - Hannah Montana and someone singing along in the bedroom while Phineas and Ferb is on the TV and giggling. It was way too quiet without them.

I'm glad they are home. I hope they are glad to be home too. I hope they are still glad when I drag them to the store later to get supplies for making school lunches - school starts on Monday!

#88 The Ten Year Nap

All I can say after finishing this book is I think my time would have been better spent actually taking a nap. Not a ten year long one, of course, but a nap nonetheless.

There were parts of this book that were intriguing, at least at first. I was very interested in how these four friends interacted and supported each other through the ups and downs of stay at home motherhood. But the truth of it was they didn't really support each other. Sure, they met at a diner for breakfast on a regular basis but they didn't really talk about how they were feeling, what they wanted to do, and what they are scared of with each other. They discussed politics and volunteer work, without getting too deep. They had their own dramas to deal with but they rarely invited anyone else into the thick of it.

One character totally turned me off in her retelling of her decision to abort a baby while still in art school. She makes the claim that she doesn't really think about it anymore. I am thoroughly pro-choice - meaning I don't think any political body should tell a women what she can and can't do with her own body. I, personally, would not have an abortion but I don't want to get involved in other people's lives in that way. That being said, I also don't believe that a woman who has an abortion can just move along with her life and never think about it again. I don't believe it for a second and I don't think I would want to be involved with a person who could feel that way about it. I don't believe you have to constantly punish yourself or even think about it every day of your life afterwards, but I just don't believe that something that monumental in your life could be swept under the carpet, never to come up again.

So, anyway, I had trouble with some of the women characters and their lack of morals or boundaries or sense of friendship. I hope that I have connected better with the friends I have in my life. That we can have real conversations and share our problems, not keep them from each other wondering what they might think of us. I was left feeling very grateful for the friends I do have, friends I can cry to, vent to, share the funny and frustrating parts of stay at home mom-ness, share a rainy morning with, have lunch with, go for a run with, and basically just share my life with them. I love my friends and I hope that I won't have to experience any awkward adjustments of our relationships when we start turning 40, like the characters in this book.

Next up: The Book of Fred by Abby Bardi

3.5 run

I got up at 6am this morning to get ready for a longer run with a friend. I wanted to get the run in before it got too hot, supposed to be over 90 today and sunny. It has been a very mild summer so far here in Virginia. It is usually hazy, hot and humid most every day from May till September. But this year it has been fairly rainy all May and June and then not really even humid till a week or two ago. So I have been spoiled. I run consistently on my treadmill all spring but then I have to venture outside for my training for the 4 mile race I run every September. It is always a hard transition for me.

But this morning I ran with a friend and we did 3.5 miles in the relative shade of a dirt road. We ran this route last Saturday too, but added another .5 mile to work up to the 4 we need to run for the race. I have done the race 5 times already but usually have to run it by myself. I start with a friend but then feel the need to either go slower than the friend or faster than the friend. But this year, I have discovered a friend who runs my pace. She actually makes me run a little faster but she says she isn't sure about running as far. So maybe we'll even each other out. She'll make me go a little faster and I'll keep her going the whole 4 miles. At least this year's race will be more fun, getting to talk and have some company to keep me motivated. I am not internally motivated to complete a lot of things, not very competitive - only competitive with myself. I can celebrate what others accomplish without feeling like I need to do that too. Which makes it hard sometimes to get my sneakers laced and get out the door.

So, anyway, we ran almost 2.5 miles before we turned into a neighborhood to extend the run and saw the hill before us. I psyched myself out of running and slowed down to walk up the hill for about .2 miles. Then, when we got to the top we turned around and started running again, down the hill and continued to finish the 3.5 miles. I am proud of myself for only walking that little bit and being able to then finish the route without stopping again. Sometimes it is hard to keep going once I stop to walk. But having my friend with me to keep talking and getting my mind off what I was doing was a great blessing. We will run again another 2 or 3 times this week. Next week, 4 miles!

keep going

I spent another fun day with my girlies and some friends. I am now getting ready for an early bedtime so I can get up nice and early and run 3.5 miles. I am not overly enthusiastic about the run, just about how good I will feel when it is over:) I finally saw the scale budge - just a little, mind you - but that makes me happy that all this running is finally starting to have some effect on my body shape and weight. I need to keep at it though to see some real progress in the next few months. I want to be a stronger and slightly faster runner and be able to run the 4 miler and a 10 K this fall. And someday before I turn 40 years old, I'd like to try to run the Cville 10 Miler. So, I have to keep going....

wonderful summer day

Another wonderful lazy summer day with my girlies. We had a playdate with some friends - their mom had to work part of the day so we got to play as a result. The girlies loved having O and J over. J had a blast playing Wii sports. And after making an assortment of interesting crafty things for the American Girl dolls, the 3 girls moved on to creating a spa/gym for the dolls. They set up a treadmill and other exercise equipment and had the dolls decked out in workout gear. Too cute. I was secretly hoping someone would give me a pedicure while they were at it:)

After our friends left, my girlies asked to paint. I got out the acrylics and canvas and they created some great paintings. I can't wait to hang them up in their room. S asked for more canvas so maybe we'll have to make a run down to Michael's in the next few days. I always dread getting all the supplies out, occupying my dining room table for most of a day and then the clean-up, BUT I always enjoy seeing what their imaginations can come up with. Maybe I'll paint something with them next time too. I have always wanted to do some of those super close up flower paintings where just a petal takes up the whole paper, or the back of a leaf and stem. I want to try photography at this level too. My husband just bought another lens for his camera that should allow me to experiment with flower macro photography very soon. Maybe if I have any sort of eye for it, I'll learn how to post my own photos on here too.

employment roller coaster

So I had just gotten used to the idea that I have no job for the upcoming school year. I interviewed 5 different times for 4 different positions and was not called for any of them. At first I was a little disappointed. Then I was content, knowing that whatever happens will be for the best. Even if I can't see the big picture right now, I know God has plans for me. Maybe this will free me up to do more through my church or maybe the right job is yet to come along. I am constantly at odds within myself over whether or not I want to go back to teaching at all. I feel like I should try it out now, while my teaching license is still valid and I haven't forgotten everything I once knew. Since I haven't been successful in my interviews, maybe they know something that I don't know. Maybe they know that my own children are more important to me than other people's children. Maybe they know that I haven't worked in a school setting in over 8 years so things are very different as far as paperwork, requirements, and assessments. Maybe they know that I would rather be teaching preschool than middle school. Maybe they know I would rather be available to go on every field trip and help a friend with childcare than be at a 7-4 job and then still have hours of planning to do in the evening when I should be helping my own children and making dinner and being that mom and wife I want to be.

I say all this in a stream of consciousness kind of ranting, but then I remember that just a few hours ago I got another phone call for yet another teaching job interview for Monday. So, on Monday I will put on my only outfit fit for a professional setting and go into the school with a smile and tell all I know about reading interventions. This is a part time position in a neighboring county so school holidays and snow days could be different. Something to think about. But like the other 5 interviews, I am not even thinking about what to do if I do get it. I refuse to clutter up my brain with what ifs. I need to remain calm, interview the best I can, and then wait patiently until I find out what the next step will be. This employment roller coaster is wearing me out. Only a month to go before school starts so this might all shake out by then...I hope!

2.5 mile run

I think I am finally recovered from a visit from my sister and her three children. They stayed with us for 5 days and we had a great time. My girlies were so excited to play with the cousins! I noticed how incredibly quiet it was here today without all five of them running around and talking (sometimes shouting and screaming, yikes!). It was nice to get a visit in and catch up. We will be traveling up to visit my sister and the rest of my family in another 2 weeks after we visit my husband's brother and family. They are expecting a baby any day now. My sister-in-law is actually overdue now and I am sure she is anxiously awaiting the little baby boy. My girlies can't wait to meet their new cousin too!

I ran this evening with some friends and did okay considering the heat/humidity tonight. It has been so mild so far this summer that I don't think that I am really prepared for it - and it is already the end of July! I ran 2.5 miles in 28:58. I think that isn't too bad? The first 2 miles were fine, and then I thought I knew where we were stopping and it turns out that where I thought our run would end was only 2 miles instead of 2.5. So, needless to say, my brain was unhappy that I still had .5 miles to go when I thought I was finished. Does that make sense? So with my head not happy, my calves promptly joined the disappointment and so I ran the last .5 mile through a field and then another lap around the track fairly slow. I was at 20:46 at the end of the 2 mile mark. So I guess that 8 minutes for a half mile wasn't too good after all:(

O well, I'll run again on Thursday and just keep plugging away at it. I know I'll be able to run the 4 miler, without walking at all. But, I am still a little concerned that I will not break 42:00 minutes. But I have a T-shirt that say "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are probably right" So I am going to chose to think I can. I will be under 42 minutes!

md club book #4

The mother-daughter book club is going very well. M and I chose Philippa Fisher's Fairy Godsister as the first book in our newly formed club back in April. Then came Island of the Blue Dolphins in May. Then Because of Winn Dixie for June. And so this past Sunday was devoted to choice #4 - The Daring Book for Girls by Andrea Buchanon and Miriam Peskowitz. This book was not a novel like the others so it was kind of exciting to be able to skim through this volume and pick and choose what was interesting to us. M read it during her "Quiet Time" during the day. (M is much too old for a nap, but she still needs a bit of quiet time to read or draw or listen to her MP3 and iDog without interruption from me or her younger sister). When she said she was through with it, I opened it up and looked through it as well. What a great collection of memories for me. Making daisy chains, friendship bracelets, 14 ways to play tag, how to tell a ghost story, yoga moves and jump rope songs. Wow, I want to go outside right now and try to do a cartwheel!

There is also a website and sequel out now called The Double Daring Book for Girls. I think this is a great book to have on hand if you ever invite your daughter's friends over for a playdate or sleepover. M decided to follow the directions in the prank section and make fake blood and smear it all over her arm and run screaming into the meeting that she broke her arm. All the girls looked at her and said, "Oh that must be the fake blood! Cool, Can I try it?" So, while she didn't really fool anyone, they all thought it was cool and wanted to make it too. The girls shared their favorite parts of this book and talked about what kind of adventure they would like to go on. Then the girls got to make their own friendship bracelets. It was a beautiful afternoon outside to spend with friends!

I am really enjoying this club and getting to know each mother and daughter better. Since I put this group of women and children together, they all knew me already. So it has been really neat watching the women interact and get friendly with each other as well. The girls all seem to like the meetings and have a great time together. There are 7 moms and 7 daughters altogether, representing 5 different schools, 3 different churches in 2 counties. I am hoping for a close bunch of friends that will help each girl feel secure in themselves and their friends whether they see each other every day at school, or every Sunday at church, or just once a month at book club. As the girls grow up, I hope this club will continue and grow in friendship and love.

#89 Year of Wonders

I finished this book a few days ago and just couldn't make myself sit down and write it up. We had a very busy weekend filled with a surprise party for friends, mother-daughter book club(I'll fill you in about that one in tomorrow's post), training runs for my race, church and teaching Sunday school, and the best part of my weekend - seeing the newest Harry Potter movie. I just love Harry Potter!!

So on to the book - Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks. I really enjoyed reading this book. Historical fiction is so interesting and it has taken over my reading preferences. Rarely do I read anything else these days. While I have read many biblical based fiction stories (stories about Esther and Sarah and Michel - David's wife) and fiction based on European painters (The Birth of Venus by Sarah Dunant was awesome and Girl with the Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier was really good too), I had never given much thought to the plague before or how it attacked the world as it did hundreds of years ago. I was very interested in the relationship between Anna, the main character who loses her family one by one, and the preacher and his wife. I am intrigued by the different religious thoughts at the time that God sent the plague to sinners to teach them a lesson or blaming the Devil and "witches" for bringing the contagion to their small community. It amazes me how whole families were wiped out, how one member of some households managed to avoid the plague, and how people deal with a crisis of this magnitude. The fact that this book was based on a real town in England that quarantined itself off to stop the spread the disease made it so much more interesting to imagine. How exhausting to be alive at this time, terrified of the disease, trying to help affected friends and family, dealing with the people who take advantage of the weak when they need help the most. No wonder some people went mad, how could you be expected to take all that on and not be completely destroyed in the process. Even in her weakness, Anna remains such a powerful character.


I was absorbed throughout the book and was only partially disappointed with the very ending of Anna's tale. I don't want to spoil anything for those of you who haven't' read it yet - because I do recommend it! I just want there to be a slightly different ending. If you finish reading this book and want me to elaborate of what I would have changed, send me a comment and I'll share some more...

Next up is 10 Year Nap by Meg Wolitzer. This one just spoke to me. Four friends who have been stay at home moms for 10 years and their thoughts and feelings and struggles with the choices they have made. Will they go back to work or continue as just mom? Since I am currently struggling with this issue myself I thought I might gain some wisdom by reading this book. I hope there is wisdom to be gleaned because I could sure use some:)

a run at the track

I got up extra early this morning to run at the track with a friend and train for the Women's 4 Miler race in September. I am not a morning person at all, so this in itself is a big deal for me. Never mind the fact that I got up early to run! We went to the track at the university, along with several hundred other women. Today was time trial day, where you run around the track for 4 laps and get a time of how fast you can run one mile. My friend and I skipped this part of the training since I already know that I am a fairly consistent runner with a 10:30 pace for one mile. I am hoping to improve on this time to be closer to a 10 minute mile pace so my race time will be closer to 42:00 (or a little less would even be better, but I am realistic:))

So opting for a run through the university, we ran from the track to the clock tower by the aquatic center and back, roughly a 2 mile trek on hilly roads. I ran this same course last week with a total time of 20:52 (10:14 1st mile/10:38 2nd mile) by myself in cooler weather. This morning I ran with a friend who is faster than me but claims she can't run as far, so we should even each other out. We ran it a little slower 21:17 (10:25 1st mile/10:52 2nd mile) but I did stop to walk for about 30 seconds on the way back. Sometimes I get going and start to breathe erratically which kinda freaks me out a little bit and then I start to hyperventilate. So I felt the extra heartbeats and then felt like I couldn't get enough air, so I tried to slow down and walk to keep from a full out attack. I know the initial signs are probably just telling me to slow down a little bit or stop talking so much. I know I think too much about it and I get myself all worked up; which, of course, makes it worse. So, it is mostly in my head. I am working on it.
This only happens when I am trying to run faster than usual or when it is hot outside, so I don't think it is life threatening - just inconvenient and annoying. My friend was great, she kept running, at a slower pace but stayed with me until I could start again and then I didn't need to stop again. She is a great running partner and an even better friend. Maybe I'll get over my weird medical/psychological issues some day, but it is even more likely I'll just add more to the list:)

book or movie - which is better?

The girlies and I had a movie night tonight. We subscribe to Netflix and this week's movie was Because of Winn Dixie. You may have noticed that last month's mother daughter book club book selection was Because of Winn Dixie by Kate DiCamillo. M and I were excited to finally watch this movie even though S was not convinced it was worth watching. She came around very quickly, maybe she really liked it - she giggled enough and snuggled when the thunderstorm came. Or maybe she just appreciated the fact that the movie was 1 hour and 46 minutes - which meant bedtime would be later than usual! It is hard to say with S, she is crafty:)

M mentioned after the movie was over that she doesn't like when the movie is different from the book - because you are expecting things to happen in a certain way and then they don't. I know what she means! There are so many books that have been excellent books but have not made very good movies. Like the DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons by Dan Brown and Harry Potter books 3 and 5 by JK Rowling. These are awesome, suspenseful, and intriguing books with great descriptive language and style and/or nonstop action. The movies pale in comparison because they just can't live up to the book. Because the movie would have to be 7 hours long to include everything of value. Because the actors that were cast don't really fit the character. Whatever the reason, sometimes you just can't equal the book.

I would much rather read a book than watch a movie anyway, but I do enjoy going to the movies too. I like romantic comedies and thrillers. I like snuggling up to my husband and smiling/giggling at the silly antics. I like trying to figure out where the plot is going and who is the bad/good guy. Because I go to the movie theater so infrequently these days - unless it is for a G rated animated kid flick - I have found out that I love action movies too. I like the big explosions and car chases. If I am going to pay $10 a ticket and see a movie larger than life in front of me then I want it to be a movie like Mission Impossible or Die Hard. Cars flying up a ramp and into a helicopter. Assassins hiding out and giving chase through a crowded city street. Spies sneaking around trying to outsmart each other and save the day.

Having said that, I am also a great big fan of romantic drama. One book and movie that I love love love - The Notebook. Different from each other in a few areas but still brilliantly done. I love a book or a movie that can make you cry - I know I have talked about this before. But rarely do you find a book and a movie that are both so wonderful. If you have any other suggestions of this kind of book and/or movie please send a comment....I'd love to put then on my reading/watching list!

happy birthday to me

Yesterday was my birthday. I love my birthday like some people love Christmas morning or a friend of mine loves July 4th. I count down the days usually from June 1 (45 days). This year I started even earlier when I found a countdown timer for my iGoogle page. My friends and family expect this of me and I would hate to disappoint them so I continue to hype it up every year. The past few years I have had grand images of what would happen on my birthday. Great parties or intimate dinners, long hikes with the family or a trip to the movie theater, beautiful jewelry or a CD I've been wanting. I have to admit sometimes I was a little disappointed on the actual day because it went so fast or we couldn't do what I wanted to do. One year, my husband fell asleep at 9:30. I am forever teasing him about this!

Anyway, to avoid the disappointment I decided this year not to make any plans. I helped a friend out by watching her daughter during the day and then she invited us to the pool in the afternoon! That was definitely a good birthday thing to do. Then I made exactly what I wanted for dinner and I even made my own cake. I am really picky about cakes so I knew that only I could make the one I really wanted. So even though no one took me out to dinner and no one brought me a cake and I had no presents to unwrap, this was the best birthday I have had in a long time. I spent it with my wonderful children - who can now swim without floaties! - and some good friends. My husband did the dishes after dinner and put the girlies to bed. No expectations, no disappointments. If only I could apply this to other areas of my life....

nap

I want a nap:)

Why is it that I want to nap and my kids don't?

Tomorrow is my birthday and I haven't even made my cake yet! I bet the girlies will help me in the morning. We'll make a bigger mess but it will be more fun to bake together.

dmv

I went to the DMV this morning to get a new driver's license. My old one expires this month and it has been 5 years since I have gone through this. I am happy to exchange my old license for a new one with a picture that actually looks like me. I got a really bad haircut last time and had no choice but to immortalize it on my driver's license. So, even though I won't see the new one until they mail it to me in the next 2 weeks, I am ecstatic to be replacing the old one. It just has to be better then that awful pixie hair cut.

A friend of mine so graciously offered to watch my girlies while I went to the DMV. I waited for just over an hour for my turn so I am very glad that I didn't have to entertain my kids while waiting in that room full of bad moods. Several people around me were complaining on how long it takes to get to the counter. Some others were complaining about the act of coming to the DMV in general. A man near me was saying it was just a waste of time and money, money that the state is just extorting from everyone. I tried to focus on my book. I thought ahead and brought a book (A Year of Wonders) with me so I didn't have to make small talk - and angry small talk at that. I agree that my trip to the DMV wasn't on my list of top ten things to do today, but it needs to be done. I don't understand the need to complain about it. It is a fact of life at this point and being bitter over it just makes the experience even worse while you are there.

Also, yesterday was my 12th wedding anniversary. I love you Chris! Thanks for a great day, both today and 12 years ago and every day in between:)

#90 Sarah's Key

Oh my! I can honestly say that I loved this book. Sarah's Key by Tatiana De Rosnay is one of the best books I have read in a long time. I haven't been that horrified or angry while reading a book in a very, very long time. And I consider that a good sign. My eyes teared up a few times as well. If you can be moved to tears, to sorrow, to laugh out loud, to really feel the emotions and connect with a character. Why else would you write? What more could you want from your audience?

The book moves back and forth between Paris, 1942 and Paris, 2002. It tells a story of a Jewish girl and her family rounded up by the French police to be sent to Auschwitz to their deaths. It was such a terrible time for the world and I cannot even begin to imagine what that must have been like for the Jewish families and for any other person alive at that time living with the fear and hatred that covered Europe. In the beginning when the book was still flip-flopping between then and now I closed the cover several times to tell my husband about how horrible the events were. Could you imagine if that happened today? I couldn't fall asleep without thinking about what I had just read. I didn't want to stop reading. Would Sarah escape? Would her brother be safe?

The "now" part of the story tells a tale of an American journalist and her family and French in-laws. She finds out that her in-laws are linked to Sarah's story. Not to mention she has her own imploding marriage and a baby on the way. I really enjoyed reading this book. I loved the historical part of this work of fiction. I like being brought to another time and place and feeling the emotions and understanding the choices people make based on what they know at the time.

So, without going on and on and spoiling it for y'all. I definitely recommend this one. Next up: Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks.

party crashing

I had a great time last night crashing a party in another neighborhood. We were invited even though it is mainly a neighborhood party. The girlies and I decorated cupcakes with flags on top and went on our way to this place where I would love to live. It is one of those neighborhoods where it seems everyone knows and likes everyone else. The kids all play outside all day in the street. Where the parents hang out in some one's backyard every summer night and just enjoy each other's company. There was a pool for the girlies to swim in. There was picnic food galore and many friends to catch up with and new families to meet. The fireworks were amazing! Certainly putting many displays I have seen to shame.

There are 2 houses for sale on this road right now and we have been to look inside both of them. Neither is ideal, but one could be the house with some improvements. I know I need a job before we could go and make an offer. I am trying but have not been successful yet. Something will come up, I know but I am growing impatient and a little jealous of this neighborhood that I want to be a part of. I don't usually have jealousy about things that other people have - not about cars, clothes, jewelry, relationships with husbands or children. But I do get house envy quite easily. Not that my house isn't a blessing. I like my little house but it is little and we need a little more space. And if we are going to move somewhere I want it to be where I already have friends for me and my children. I want it to be where the schools are good and the church is close by. I want it be where I could envision myself for the rest of my life. My current neighborhood has twisty, hilly, narrow roads where people drive too fast. I would never let my girlies ride their bikes up there in the road! O well, guess I need to get a job before I can get out of my neighborhood. So I will try to be thankful for the little house I have, the beautiful lake in the backyard, the health and happiness of my family and not focus on what I want. I just told S this morning that the porch swing at Lowes was a want and not a need. I guess I should remind myself also that the yellow house is a want and not a need.

4th of July 5K

I ran a 5K this morning. I didn't feel so great when I first woke up this morning. Too much junk food yesterday - we had dinner at Friendly's so of course I had to have a peanut butter cup sundae. I felt like it was still there taunting me when I woke up, but I put on my big girl panties and went to the race anyway. My husband and my girlies were there to cheer for me. M and S made signs that said Go Mommy! They are so sweet!

I have always thought that I am slow, but consistently so. And I was reminded of that today as I went the through the first mile at 10:30 and then the second mile at 21:02. Hello - I have always run 10:30 miles and seems like I always will. How do I get faster? My husband has plans for that - but I have never been very motivated to follow his instructions. Anyway, back to the race. Just past the mile 2 mark there was a sharp uphill that I managed to run up but when I got tot he top and it leveled back out...I just couldn't breathe. So I stopped running and walked at a pretty quick pace just to get my breathing back under control. I have a tendency to hyperventilate if I get too overheated and/or anxious (I'm sure it is in my head more than anything, but that is just how I am). So I walked for about 30 seconds and then ran some more. I ran for another 2 minutes and then walked for another 30 seconds and then saw my husband and girlies again. I felt bad that I was walking when they spied me. I wanted my girlies to see me running, being a good strong healthy role model. So I sucked it up and started running again and was able to run all the way to the finish line another .5 mile away. I thought I would have to stop and walk a third time, but for some reason I felt good and just kept going. I picked it up at the very end to sprint past 2 or 3 people in the home stretch and finished with an official time of 33:54. That puts my last 1.1 miles at 12:52. So considerably slower than the first 2 miles, but with the walking, I'm not surprised by that. Plus, this was my first 3 miles outside (I'm usually a treadmill runner) since last summer so I feel good about it anyway. Yay me!

all stars

I spent the day on a small road trip to Stafford, Virginia with my family. We left about 8:45 this morning and drove the 90 minutes to watch an all star baseball game. Some friends of ours have an 8 year old boy on the team. My husband, the photographer, went to support A and take photos. Hopefully some of the families will look up the photos on his website and buy a few, but mostly we went to support A. The first game was fun to watch, 16-1 in favor of our team. The second game was even better to watch, and bite your fingernails, and as M says "feel that tingly feeling in my belly" of nervous happiness. This game we lost (I know, I had nothing to do with it, but I mean the team I went there to watch:) 7-6 after a few tied innings and great plays by both sides. It is a double elimination tournament so they play again tomorrow morning, I hope they rally and get to continue. It was fun to watch and I remembered how much I used to like watching baseball back in my college days. My girls were really well behaved and interested in the games. I taught M a little bit about what was going on out on the field. S found a friend from school whose big brother was on the team so she had a blast with her unexpected playdate. I was great weather for spending the day outside too! Go Greene All-Stars!!!!

#91 Crow Lake

I finished Crow Lake today. And let me tell you, I am in a slump. So I am shaking it up a bit and reading something I found at the library yesterday. I saw a book at Target with an intriguing title and cover art - it caught my eye. And then the back cover synopsis had me wondering about the story for days afterwards. So I requested it from the library even though I said I wouldn't do that until my 99 books were read and gone. But I have been reading some really uninteresting books lately that I thought I would try something that actually sounds interesting to me for a change. So, hopefully, the next book will be better.

So here goes with Crow Lake. It was easy to read but not the least bit interesting. Pond life, academia in Canada, farm life, parents dying early in the main characters life (I think we have covered this already a few times!), and relationship troubles between family members. I cannot even make it sound interesting here. So I will stop trying. I don't recommend this one...

On a lighter note, 14 days till my birthday:)

#92 Shadow Baby

Shadow Baby by Alison McGhee is book number 92. It was a Today's Book Club choice. I used to watch the Today Show every morning, when M was a baby. It was really the only way I got any sort of news about the world around me when I was a new stay at home mom. I bought this book many years ago at the Greene Valley Book Fair. It is an awesome place to get all kinds of books for really cheap prices. I think I paid $3.50 for this one in particular.

An eleven year old girl makes friends with an elderly neighbor for a school project and ends up getting so much more out of the relationship. She is raised by her mother and desperately wants to know something about her father, grandfather, and the twin sister who did not survive child birth. In order to cope with all the missing information in her life, she spins her own tales of history. She has a great imagination and adds so much detail to those stories you'd think that it really happened that way. It could have, she says.

I seem to have fallen into a pattern where every book I pick up, without it even saying so on the back cover, is about a central character who is missing one or both parents. Or the parent is this scary, abusive figure. There has to be an exciting, moving story out there about a main character with both of her parents. Not all conflict has to be about parent child relationships, does it? I hope that a few of the 91 books that I have left to read will be examples of complicated, interesting characters who have loving parents.

This book was an okay read, don't feel the need to ever reread it like Little Women or Where the Red Fern Grows. It went by quick enough and held my attention on my treadmill. Next is Crow Lake by Mary Lawson - another Today's Book Club choice.

Day 5 VBS

Awesome!!! VBS finished today with a whopping collection of over $1500 toward getting a service dog for a local community member. I am proud to have helped out with this year's VBS and may be able to be convinced to help again next year - if I can pass the recruiting piece to someone else. I liked the rest of the tasks and felt good to donate my services and time to such a worthy cause. What a wonderful group of volunteers to work with as well. Thanks to everyone who helped out for such a huge community event.

Interview #2 went okay, I guess. I definitely felt less informed and ready to answer the questions from today. I even had to just say "No I am not familiar with that" at one point. I think the job itself sounded very interesting and worthwhile. Something I would like being challenged with and the hours looked as though it would be 3 days a week. Which sounds nice since I am coming off of 8 years of unemployment. But I am not really that hopeful for being chosen for this particular job. They will probably go with someone a little more experienced in this area already. But at least I tried. The principal said she would contact me in a few weeks either way. So we'll see....next interview is on Monday. Have a great weekend!

Day 4 VBS

Four down, one more to go. As soon as I said, "I actually have nothing to do at the moment" to a fellow volunteer, a poor little kid came through the door with two bloody knees! So I got to perform some first aid with what we had and then make the phone call home to make sure mom was aware of the fall. So, I will not be making any kind of crazy "I have nothing to do" statements again! Other than that though, Day 4 went very well. I even had 2 volunteers say that they would like to do it again next year!

I went to the first of three interviews today for a third grade position at the school my daughter M will attend in the fall. I think it went pretty well. I answered their questions with minimal "ummming" and had some good questions for them. It was nice to feel like a grown-up and use my college education for something productive, but I still have some nagging thoughts at the back of my mind about working again in a school. Trying to stay positive and be open-minded about it. Interview #2 is tomorrow, part time reading intervention.....

Day 3 VBS

Another smooth day at VBS. At one point, a fellow volunteer asked if I was bored?! I have to say that I had a few minutes to just sit and enjoy the hard work I (and the rest of the VBS team) have put in over the last 5 months. I tried not to take it personally and get defensive. Like I had to prove that I was a crazy working machine. But honestly most of my work was done with the many phone calls and spreadsheets and emails. I am just the gopher girl, who does first aid and schedules back up volunteers during the actual week. Making sure everyone has what they need. I had to get a back up toddler teacher for the day since a volunteer decided not to return. I think we are fully covered tomorrow.

I also found out today that I will miss the end of VBS "party." The team decided to get pizza for all the volunteers and then help everyone take down the decorations. I scheduled an interview for 1pm so I'll miss the festivities. I am kind of sad, it would be fun to get to be with everyone without the almost 400 kids coming to VBS. But what can I do?

I also got home today and got 2 more phone calls from different schools and so I have 3 interviews in 5 days. One tomorrow for 3rd grade, one on Friday for reading intervention and one on Monday for kindergarten. Hopefully, one of these will be the right job for me. I am nervous about the interviews but only because I don't know which one I really want to do. But since that is getting ahead of myself, I am trying to just wait and see. I may not have any decisions to make at all. Maybe I won't get any of the jobs, or maybe I'll get just one and that will be that, or maybe.... OK I'll stop and just wait till all the interviews are over. We'll chat more about it next week:)

Day 2 VBS

Even better today. I even had a moment where I wasn't doing anything! But mostly I wandered the hallways, filling in where needed, taking preschoolers to the bathroom, putting on bandaids, getting peanut free snacks to the kids with peanut allergies, finding moms of distressed kids, bringing kids who came late to their places in the rotation, etc.

A friend invited me and the girlies to the pool after VBS. We had a great time. Thanks so much Cary!

In preparation for the 4 miler race I run in September, I met with some ladies for an easy 1 mile run at the high school track. It was great getting to run with friends and chat afterwards.

I had a great day! I have great friends. I am so blessed.

day 1 VBS

Day 1 of VBS went pretty well. Very impressed with all our preparation and hope tomorrow goes even smoother. With that said, I am exhausted! See ya tomorrow...

Happy Father's Day

We had a really nice day today. I hope my husband enjoyed his special day. The girlies and I got him some white chocolate truffles. Then we went to a friend's church to watch their newest little one get baptized followed by a nice lunch reception at their house. We had a great time playing and catching up with friends. Chris got to jump on the trampoline with the kids too! It looked like fun, but in my skirt I wasn't about to try it out.

Tomorrow is Day 1 of VBS. I'm a little nervous but excited. It has been a long time coming. The planning, calling of volunteers, organizing of schedules and supplies, etc. I am looking forward to wearing my Camp EDGE baseball cap - my flat iron broke and this humid weather is frizzing up my hair something awful! I am excited to see all the familiar preschool faces and hopefully a lot of new ones too!

Keep the praying going for VBS. Hopefully we are ready for anything that the day might throw at us...

blah no more

I have been feeling kinda blah lately. I have gained a little weight recently, not sure of the cause - maybe stress, job hunting, my new found love of avocados? Mostly it must be the more calories in than calories burned in exercise. I get the simplicity of it, even if I cannot seem to make the numbers even out. Steadily losing or maintaining is best, this gaining thing has to stop. I have no desire to shop for clothes a size bigger.

So I have decided to step up my running. Normally I am a 2 to 3 mile runner 3 times a week. And that is a perfect week, one without hormones, volunteer obligations, or traveling. I have been working on the 30 day shred DVD as well. I did about 12 workouts, not every day but every 2 to 3 days. But since none of this has counteracted the weight gain, I guess I need to step it up. So my plan is to run 4 times a week, at least. Maybe just walking on my treadmill a few more times. I have the time, it is summer and I am still unemployed. It is the motivation I need. I have a ton of books to read, so I can just hop up there on the treadmill and walk and read and have some time to myself. The treadmill is in the basement now and the kids don't come down to bother me when I am down there. They are old enough to manage upstairs without much care for an hour. I would like to add the 30 day shred to this and actually do it every day like Jillian intended. Maybe I can get my husband to do it with me. He likes having a routine to follow and he will keep me doing it every day even when I don't want to. I am not internally motivated to keep up a routine. Not sure why, maybe I'm just lazy. Mostly though, every time I get involved in exercising I don't lose weight so I think, why bother?

I guess my problem is the food. I used to be a boredom eater. Nothing else to do? Might as well eat some junk food. I am not an emotional eater, food doesn't make me feel better, unless I was hungry:) I have discovered all kinds of foods in the last few years that I never knew I liked. Avocados, either plain on a sandwich or wrap, or in the form of guacamole is so yummy! Too bad I think Mexican fried chimichangas when I think guacamole. I need to reexamine my portion sizes too, because I have been trying to make healthier food for meals again. I have a plethora of Weight Watchers cookbooks from when I lost 35 pounds 5 years ago. I need to look through them again and see if I can find some recipes that my kids would eat (now that they actually eat what I make and not baby food like the last time around). I guess I could keep a food journal again to see where the calories are adding up. Not sure how much effort I want to put into this - see, right there is my main problem:)

O well, I guess I'll keep track of my food and exercise for the next month and see if any of these changes have made a difference. I'll keep you posted. It would be a nice birthday gift to myself to be 5 pounds lighter. On the bright side I have worked back up to 3 miles on the treadmill and I finally felt good today when I was done. It has been awhile since I have felt good after exercising, probably because I haven't been running hard enough or long enough, working back up to 4 miles for a race I do every September.

relief

I am feeling a little bit of relief right now. I am the preschool director for my church's VBS this summer. A job I volunteered for, to an extent. You may have noticed my ranting earlier in the month about people who say they will help and then don't. I don't mind helping out, I have the time and energy and even the experience with children. I just didn't want to be the only one doing stuff. The assistant pastor and his wife have been awesome, what hard working wonderful people. I also didn't want to be the one calling everybody who may or may not have attended our church during the past year to get reliable volunteers. I detest calling people out of the blue and asking them to volunteer. It just isn't my cup of tea. I am not a phone talker anyway, unless my college roommate calls:)

Well, it turns out that God does provide, because coming out of the woodwork here lately is a slew of people who have had changes in their summer plans and are now available. Yay! I'll take it, I don't care what happened, what changes people's minds, I'm just glad it happened. So right now, 4 days out, the preschool VBS is fully staffed with a couple of people as extras just in case someone is sick or whatever. What a relief! I may be actually able to interact with my own children today instead of being constantly on my hotmail or the phone. And even though it is fully staffed, I still cannot wait until next Friday. When the whole thing is over and kids from all over the community have had a blast getting to know about God. It is all worth it, all the stress of finding volunteers, getting supplies out to them, working with other adults who are intense. If we can help a child feel connected to God, we have done a good thing.

So, please pray for us next week. All the children, all the parents bringing and picking up their beautiful preschoolers, and of course for all the volunteers.

#93 Plain Truth

So about 15 minutes ago I finished Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult. It is one of those books you can read through pretty quickly. It tells an interesting story without ever really getting too deep into any one of the characters. A few details about the story were a surprise but mostly it followed a predictable path from beginning to end. It also seemed to me like it would make a compelling made-for-TV movie, if you like that sort of thing, of course.

Having grown up in Pennsylvania, about an hour or two away from Lancaster and Amish country, I remember seeing lots of buggies on the smaller country highways. I knew a little about Amish culture but it was interesting to read about their community and religious differences. No phone, no cars, no need for any of that stuff. Helping each other out as a sense of community instead of an obligation or chore. Being genuinely content with what you have and who you are with at all times. What a peace they must have. A love for each other without ridiculous expectations and conditions.

Legal thrillers are always easy for me to read. I have read just about all of John Grisham's stuff. They move along quickly, introducing characters and case details at regular intervals to keep you hooked and following along until the moment you have it all figured out just before the author reveals everything you need to know. Not quality literature I know, but an easy read to pass the time on my treadmill.

On to 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter by Vicki Courtney. I am not usually a nonfiction reader. But this book is the basis for a small group that I am leading through my mother-daughter book club for the moms. We got a hold of the DVD and study guides to read along and have discussions about how we can help our daughters as they grow older and mature and how we can help each other through the next 10 years of our lives. I am excited to read this one.

therapy

Chris just read my blog post from yesterday and said, "At least they will have a lot to talk about in therapy." I nodded and laughed but I am hoping that won't be necessary:)

no training wheels

I am so excited for my girlies tonight. I have an 8 year old and a 6 year old who still had training wheels on their bikes as of this morning. The reasons for that are many. We live in a very hilly neighborhood, with narrow gravelly roads where cars drive through way too fast. So they are not allowed to ride in the street by our house. We seldom take the bikes with us to the park or school because the bikes don't fit into the Escape easily since they have training wheels on them. They just do not get to practice the skills very often, maybe 4 times a year. That isn't enough to learn how to ride a bike. They need to work on their balance, steering, stopping, starting again.

I suggested to my husband this afternoon that we should take the girls over to the school where they could ride and play on the playground and we could run on the track. It was a warm day but not humid like it usually is here in Virginia. He said, "Only if those training wheels come off!" The girlies looked a little nervous but were up for trying it out. So I took the wheels off and he loaded them into the car and away we went.

My husband started off with S and her tiny Dora the Explorer bike. She obviously needs a bigger bike already. But a few times around the parking lot with Chris holding on to the back of the seat and then gradually letting go was all S needed. She started riding around like she knew how to do it all along. She then struggled with starting up on her own, trying to figure out how to get the top pedal to go down while picking up her other foot and going without wobbling too much. On an downhill she had no problem but on an incline she struggled. She will be riding all over next time we go, I bet, without any help whatsoever. Good job S!

Now M, this is a different story altogether. Poor M, so like me it is quite scary. So afraid to try new things. So focused on the anxiety of the moment she can't see the fun to be had if she would just relax and give it a try. She is a great student and ballet dancer and a good soccer player. She is very artistic and loves to write her own songs and perform them when no one is watching. But as soon as there is an audience, forget it. She can't understand what she is doing wrong, she always thinks she is doing what you are telling her and then she takes it so personally. She thinks we don't like her or are mad at her if she doesn't do it right. Chris gets very frustrated with this. Her behavior isn't logical or rational, therefore he has no idea what to do with it. I completely understand where is coming from, she is a miniature version of me. But I still don't know the best way to get through to her. I know that yelling or threatening or sarcastically making fun of her is not the way. That's what my father did to me as a kid. It doesn't work, trust me. I don't want to go so far the opposite direction though and coddle her and let her off the hook either.

So I helped M out first. She was getting the hang of it I thought and then she got really wiggly, stopped pedaling and kept falling to one side. Because she felt out of control, she started to get even more scared of crashing, even though she hadn't fallen or gotten hurt yet. So when she started to cry her nervous cry, Chris took over. She seemed to do a little better but then she just broke down. She thought she was doing what he was telling her, but he kept asking "What are you doing?" which just made her even more anxious. She had some success but she was so focused on crashing that she couldn't enjoy it. She had to take a break and play on the playground while we ran at the track and try again afterwards. She better afterwards and finally got tot he point where she was riding the length of the parking lot without me holding on. But boy, what an evening!

I am sure Chris and I will have many discussions over how to reach M in the next 15 years. Whether it is about a new sport, driving lessons, a new boyfriend, or a difficult teacher. Chris subscribes to the "Suck it up, cry baby" way of thinking where kids only get trophies for doing something spectacular, not for just participating. I agree with that about earning something special and not just being handed it. But I also believe that sometimes, it is okay to be a little afraid and to need more time to accomplish something new. I also think people find motivation in different forms. Chris tells me stories of his coaches from childhood and their methods of tough love. I'm not a fan of throwing a baseball at a child's head to get them to pay attention. But I do understand how that would motivate him. Someone calls into question your ability to perform and he steps up. He makes them realize he is better than they thought. That would not work on me. I would have quit if someone threw a ball at my head. And I never would have tried it again. I need someone to talk to me, to explain how the sport works, what to expect and how I can improve. I need a plan of attack. I need more information to be comfortable trying something new. And then I need to feel success, or I'm done. I know this about myself. I quit things very easily if it doesn't come to me quickly. I was on 3 sports teams in high school for about 3 weeks each. I also never tried out for the one sport I was good at because I was afraid I wouldn't be good enough. I am also okay with just being mediocre if I am having fun. I was third last chair flute player in the band (that is 39th out of 42), but I loved it. All my friends were there. I felt no motivation to practice and get better, but I went all four years and had a blast. Chris would never be just mediocre.

This is also why setting a goal of a 1000 day running streak keeps Chris running, every day, no matter what. Because he said he would do it, so he will. I think things like that in my head but realize I am not that internally motivated. I would quit so I never start something like that in the first place. Amazing how we ended up together. I am glad we did, we will compliment each other's styles and show the girlies a wide range of ways to approach new and different things. Hopefully this will make them well rounded confident girls. And we won't scar them with our stories of opposite extremes.

strep for S

Another round of amoxicillin is in my fridge. Poor S has strep. She is so pathetic and mopey. She missed a party at her "Auntie" Beeb's house. She wanted to see a friend's new baby boy and play with his big sister. She is so tired, she basically watched Phineas and Ferb cartoons all day once we got back from the doctor's office and CVS. I know tomorrow will be better, 24 hours of amox will bring my energetic, happy girl back to me. I am actually glad it is strep, something easily and quickly curable. Something that won't stop her for long.

S is my happy one. She will play with anybody, introduce herself and go about her way making friends and having fun no matter where she is. She is seldom shy and always tries to make other people laugh and smile. Her humor has progressed lately to fart jokes and burping on command. She is enjoying this inappropriate phase immensely. She has even gotten her big sister into making up euphemisms for passing gas. She is now "blowing the cannon." She also likes the word "toot." Sometimes she stands up and says "Wait for it..." and then passes gas and giggles. The first time she did this was very funny to me, not so much anymore. But she can be very funny. I hope that she soon understands the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. She probably knows the difference already but is enjoying the inappropriate anyway:) That would be just like her. And to tell you the truth, I love her just the way she is, inappropriate or not.

no more school

Today was the last day of school. I was planning on not volunteering today, just enjoying my last 5 hours of quiet time. I thought I would run on the treadmill and do my 30 day shred workout - I am on Day 10. I thought I would read some more of Plain Truth while laying on the couch with the ceiling fan showering me with a gentle breeze and Pandora playing my Marie Digby station. But when S asked if I was planning on coming to school with her today, like I have done very other Wednesday for her entire kindergarten year - I couldn't say no.

So I went to school and helped the teacher take down all the bulletin boards. I watched the kindergarten sing songs for the rest of the school. I put temporary tattoos on 24 kids. I pulled names off of every surface and pocket chart. I took down the word wall and calendar. I helped stuff report card envelopes. I got to eat lunch with M and then S. I even got free pizza and lemonade! Then I got to bring my girlies home with me. They were quiet all the way home. I think they were tired. I think they were a little sad, not that they said so, but why else would they be so quiet? Transitions can be hard. I hope this year it doesn't take 2 weeks for the girlies to get used to be with each other all day every day. I hope they are excited with all the fun we will have this summer. I hope it doesn't fly by in a blur. I am excited to have them home. I like some quiet time every now and again, but I am lonely most days without them. They are fun and they are funny. They are the light of my life. They are the loves of my life. They are my girlies!

i'm cranky:(

Have I mentioned before that I dislike being a coordinator? I am not an extremely organized person by nature, but I do feel like I managed to teach for 5 years without too much trouble. I graduated college with almost all A's. I earned a Master's degree from the University of Virginia while teaching full time. I could not have done any of this if I wasn't internally motivated to do things well, to go beyond the bare minimum and put my best effort forward on every task I set out to accomplish. That being said, I am not one of those people who feel the need to organize everybody, micro-manage projects, or tell other people what to do. I do not get a thrill from being in charge. I am usually a follower, not a leader. I like being a sidekick, a helper. Tell me what needs to be done and I will try my best to do it. But I have a "job" right now that is making me crazy... why is recruiting for volunteer activities so difficult?

Personally, I think it is because people just think someone else will do it. Or they think that since they are volunteering, it doesn't matter if they show up or not, do a good job or not, let anyone know their plans or not. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to think you have things covered and then someone just doesn't show up? Doesn't anybody have a sense of work ethic anymore? I have done my share of volunteering this year. I am the sole member of the teacher appreciation committee at my girlies school. I am also a member of the children's ministry team at my church. I am a substitute Sunday school teacher. I volunteer in kindergarten every Wednesday for at least 2 hours, but usually about 4 hours. I try to be there every time I say I will; teachers, parents, and children are counting on me. I am not trying to look superior and I don't expect a pat on the back for what I have done, I do it because it needs to be done and I feel good knowing I helped where I could. I know that being a mom, working or stay at home is a tough job. Kids get sick, relatives visit, vacations happen, but there should still be a sense of obligation to things you said you would do. If you say you are going to do something, people are counting on you. And then when you don't do it, people are disappointed, not to mention left without any help.

I also don't understand people who constantly take advantage of the free child care offered through our church without ever volunteering to help out every once in a while. I'm not saying they need to spend every moment of their lives watching other people's children, but helping out a few hours here and there would make the whole process flow smoother. It would open the church's services to many more children in the community, spreading the word of God even further. And isn't that the point of VBS? I know that some people view VBS in the summer as child care, a way to get 3 hours of time to themselves in the summertime. I am trying not to pass judgment, it isn't my place. BUT, the members of our church know all year that VBS is coming. They know that every year, more children from the community come - we have an awesome VBS every year. They know that means we need more grown-ups every year to create a safe and fun environment. So, why am I still looking for 8 more people with VBS only 2 weeks away? And why do I feel like the only one still looking for these last few volunteers? And why do I get myself into situations like this? I am learning something about myself through this whole experience though. Don't ask questions about things if you aren't prepared to then be in charge of it. Don't be surprised or fooled by people who say they will help you and then don't. I don't mean to sound so pessimistic or jaded, but I am so tired of other people not putting the same effort into what they say they will do. It is not fair to the others involved.

I am frustrated and grumpy. I know this will pass, that once VBS has gone off successfully, I'll feel bad that I felt the need to rant like this. But that is the point of my blog, to voice my opinions, tell my tales, rant my rants and rave my raves. To get whatever I am feeling or thinking out, so it doesn't nag at me. So hopefully, I will be able to find 8 more volunteers in the next 2 weeks. I'll keep praying; and if you are so inclined, your prayers would be helpful too!

#94 Vinegar Hill

So what is up with these books? This is another one of Oprah's picks from years ago. I started reading and really was interested in the story line. I kept waiting for Ellen to make her move, to say something about her situation. She was a complicated woman, being progressive enough in the 70s to have a job, but also not advanced enough to talk to her husband, stand up to her in-laws, and take charge of her own happiness.

I am trying to remember this book does come from the 70s. Since I was born in 1974, I don't remember a lot of how it was back then. But I also don't understand how a book just ends without an ending. She finally works herself up to leave her husband, take her children, and get a job farther away. But that all happens in the last 5 pages and you are closing the back cover when she tells her children they are leaving. Hurray for her, I guess. But what about the show down with her husband? What about the in-laws? A fragile mother in-law and husband who has just discovered that he actually likes his family even if he was a abused as a child and can't show it. Seems a shame to not even give him a chance to understand her unhappiness and try to make it better. Maybe he wouldn't even try, maybe he'd just continue living with his parents and ignoring his children. But shouldn't he get an opportunity to weigh in on this decision she is making?

So, at first I was in to this book, reading it very quickly and anxiously awaiting the showdown. The discussion, the arguing, the yelling and screaming, but all I got was passive anger and resentment. I can get that in my own family:) So, still not a fan of Oprah picks. I can't decide if I should just pack up the rest of the ones I have and give them away without reading them? Or do I read them all, making it a mission of mine to find one, just one, Oprah book that I enjoy? It doesn't seem like that much to ask! What do you think?

Next up, #93 Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult.

rainy day errands

So many errands to run today and it is pouring down rain. I wish I owned a raincoat.

I need to pick up S's guitar I had restrung so she can sing and play along with the High School Musical and Hannah Montana and Taylor Swift songs she loves so much. I need to change the oil in my car, it is long overdue. I need to find a window shade for the girlies room that darkens the room and blocks out the morning light so that maybe they will sleep past 6:00am this summer. They want a later bedtime this summer and that will only work if they learn to sleep in a little bit later or they will be grouchy. I need to stop somewhere and buy Tropicana OJ for my husband, he is addicted to it and we are all out. I am having a Tastefully Simnple Party at my house on Tuesday night so I also need to stop by and pick up my party food kit. Yum! Let's see, what else?

To make my errands run a little more tolerable in this rain I am going to stop at this little drive-up coffee place called Java Express and get a nonfat chai tea latte. Yum! I can almost taste it already. But first I need to shower. I just ran on my treadmill while reading a book. So, you can imagine I didn't run very fast but I got my 35 minutes in today and that was all I was looking for. I would like tp lose a few pounds so my clothes fit a little better, so I am going to up my running from 3 days a week to 4 or 5. I hope that extra effort will help.

I also need to start training for the Women's 4 Miler Race I run every September. I can run 4 miles without to much trouble but I never get any faster so my goal this year is too really train for it better than I have in the past. I have run it 5 times now and had the best time the first year I ran it. I get slower every year, maybe because of the extra 5-10 pounds, maybe the weather or my training or lack thereof. So this year I hope to finish in under 42 minutes. I would really love to find a running partner. Someone who would run with me a few times a week. I run quite a bit on the treadmill, but I need to get back outside to get used to hills and weather and temperature again. The race is the Saturday before Labor Day every year. Some times it can be really hot and one year it rained , so you never know what it will be like.

If you are interested in running this summer, let me know. I want to be able to run up to 6 miles(I have only ever done 5.5 so far) and I want to get my time down to running 9 to 10 minute miles instead of 10.5 - 11.5 minute miles. I usually don't mind running slow, I am impressed that I can run that far. But I would like to beat my time this year. I'm not sure if that is realistic or not, but I won't find out until I try so wish me luck.

Christmas clutter

So, what to do today? My days are numbered. The girls have 5 days of school left, counting today. I am trying to think about what I should do before they are here all day, every day. I have managed to clean out a significant part of the house over the last few weeks. I have taken 2 trips to Goodwill and collected countless garbage bags of trash. The girls have a major project of cleaning out their room and playroom of all toys they have outgrown when school gets out. So I have left those rooms alone for the most part. Maybe when that project is complete we will be able to separate their bunk beds and give them their own space. I know M is really looking forward to having her own space, even if it is just to be able to decorate it! S has been hesitant in the past to want her own room, she says she will miss M. But lately, she seems more open to the idea.

We need a little more space. I hope we will be able to figure out a way to finish the basement off, making a great room with the the kids toys and couch and TV and Wii, etc. We would love to have a pool table someday down there as well. An extra room to be used as an office or extra bedroom for guests would be helpful too. It is already roughed in for a bathroom. I have seen a really cute layout for a laundry room/art room. The floor was just linoleum, a tub sink surrounded by counters, and many drawers for storage and display surfaces like a cork lined half wall or chalkboard paint. I have great ideas for the last bit of space down there. I haven't convinced my husband of this yet, but I'm working on it. Either the basement needs to be finished off, or we need to find a slightly bigger house.

My husband has a photography business so he could really use some office space and a studio space and storage for all the props he has been collecting. Somewhere the girls can't get into. Right now his office is in the girls' playroom, not the best place for keeping his stuff organized and separate. The girls have a habit of spreading stuff out and not cleaning it up immediately. Like all kids, I am guessing. Or at least I hope my kids aren't the messiest ones on the planet:)

Anyway, maybe I'll tackle the Christmas corner today. Last year I only got out the bare minimum for decorations, we were installing hardwood floors right before Christmas and so we only had a week before Christmas to put up the tree and such. I didn't think we needed everything out. Which, of course, got me wondering why do I have all this stuff if I don't want to put it all out. A lot of the decorations were gifts. I don't know why I have a hard time getting rid of things people gave me, they never visit our house so they wouldn't even notice if I still had it or not. I feel like if someone spent their money and time and energy finding me a present I should keep it, whether or not I like it or use it. Well, that is how I used to feel. Now my philosophy is more like if I don't love it and use it, it needs to go. I am not a big holiday decorator, really I only put out stuff for Christmas. I have Easter baskets for the girls, a few pumpkin/jack o' lantern candles and candy bowls for Halloween. But that is it. I could really downsize the amount of Christmas stuff too. I really enjoy putting up the things my girlies have made at school rather than pre-made decorations. I also have a bunch of ornaments from when I was a kid. I have them but I don't put them on the tree. My tree is now for my new family, my husband and my girlies. The tree should be full of things we have gotten or made together. Does that make sense? Except of course for my pine cone Santa. I made it in kindergarten and if it isn't on the tree, something is severely wrong. One Christmas not too long ago, I couldn't find it. I actually cried, I know, what a wuss! But no, it means a lot to me and it just isn't Christmas without the little guy. My husband teases me about it but he understands my need for it even if he doesn't get why. He's a good man.

Anyway, I guess I'll get on with my treadmill run and get to cleaning out the Christmas stuff...

here comes summer

I am looking over all the papers I have gotten recently for summer activities for the children. It is amazing to me all the options! I overheard another mom at school today talking about girl scout camp. That sounds like fun. S wants to learn to play lacrosse. M wants to do field hockey. They both play soccer and take ballet during the school year. S wants swim lessons, presumable to have access to a pool this summer. M loves to draw and has asked about painting classes. How will I decide what activities will be worth the money and time driving back and forth. I don't want to over schedule them, they need free time, play time, time to be bored so they can see what their own imaginations can cook up. I like them having interests and a structured time to learn something new, but I also like the idea of lazy, fun play dates with friends and just hanging out together while they still want to hang out with me. The girlies are 6 and 8 so my days are numbered, I know. Pretty soon I'll be Mother(as in Oh, Mother -with an eye roll), instead of Mommy(as in I love you Mommy, you are so smart, so pretty, so awesome Mommy). S tells me that "I rock!" I love that:)

We also have travel plans to Cleveland near the 4th of July and VBS with our local church in June. Grandma wants a chance to spoil them for a few days this summer too! I am looking at the calendar and feel like if I start to schedule a few things, pretty soon the whole summer will be over. I am really looking forward to the summer. I am tired of making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at 7am. I am tired of nagging to finish homework and rushing them around like a really mean warden. I am looking forward to movie nights, camping out in the backyard, dinners with friends during the week, later bedtimes, catching fireflies, making snow cones, tagging along to the pool with friends, and anything else we think of.

On top of all that, I am trying to find a job after 8 years of being at home with my girlies. I was a teacher before and like those hours, snow days, and summer vacations, especially now that I am a mom. I have gone this long without putting my children into day care, I would really hate to have to do it now. So I hope that if a job comes my way I'll be able to juggle the work and my family without either suffering too much. I am out of practice, my multi-tasking skills have fallen away while I haven't needed them. Being a stay at home mom is really awesome. I encourage anyone out there to try it. Once you get past the sleep deprivation and screaming toddlers, it is really fun! I have enjoyed that last 8 years a lot. My girlies are so important to me, much more than a paycheck, a summer vacation, or a bigger house. Now that both of my girlies are in school this year, I have had a ton of time to volunteer at the school and the church. I have helped friends by watching their preschoolers when things came up. I have cleaned out my house of a lot of clutter. I have had time to read, watch movies on Netflix, and I have even taken a nap or two during the day when I have felt sick or tired. I ran errands without children begging for things and without that constant state of confusion. You know what I mean, right? The inability to focus on your list or needs at the store because you are trying to keep your children from touching everything, asking for everything, and rearranging everything. Even when they are behaving, just talking to me sometimes breaks my focus and I end up leaving without something crucial. I'm not blaming my lovely children, I know the problem is mine. I cannot seem to finish a sentence or retrieve the right word when talking, I am constantly saying that I gave all my brain cells to my children. So, re-entering the workplace may be quite difficult. I am trying to make the right decision, apply for jobs that will help our family out, not make things more complicated. I would like the extra money, the opportunity to use my skills and my college degrees for more than just 2 kids, the chance to show my girlies that you can be a mom and wife and employee/career woman. I know you can't have it all at the same time, but you can have a lot if you are willing to work for it, if your family is willing to make room for something new, and if you have the courage to try. You never know unless you try. Pray for me:)

#95 Mistress Shakespeare

Mistress Shakespeare by Karen Harper was really good. I enjoy historical fiction immensely and this book gave me everything I like in one place. There was a love story with its own conflict and longing while circumstances beyond control force its way into the lives of two people meant for each other. I like this time period in history: the clothing, the customs, the way they talk. I have been a fan of Shakespeare plays since high school. After Romeo and Juliet, there was so many more to read. I read them for school, any time I got to choose my topic for a paper I found a way to incorporate Shakespeare. I read plays for the term papers and for my own enjoyment. Yes, I am a nerd! I like love stories with complications and humor. I also love Jane Austin and the Bronte sisters. And if you couldn't tell by my choices so far, Little Women is one of my favorite books of all time. I love a book that moves you to cry. And I love that moment when you have figured out what will happen next just before they tell you outright.

The enduring love affair between Will and Anne was frustrating and beautiful. She had such a struggle between her own sense of respect for herself and her fierce attachment to Will. What wouldn't you do for someone you loved like that? She was an interesting character that made me want to be more independent and thankful for the love of my husband and family all at the same time. She was strong and brave and emotional and confused and generous and occasionally appreciated beyond her expectations. She made choices that I usually rail against - I am not a fan of adultery in literature. I thought The Bridges of Madison County was just ridiculous. It made me angry. That was not a great love story but a distraction from reality and a complete disregard of responsibilities and family obligations. It has been many years since I have read it, so the details are fuzzy but when I think about it I still get a huge feeling of disappointment.

But Anne Whately, being the main character, was the rightful wife and family and monetary obligations removed her from the life she should have lived. I loved her resolve to stay away from Will, but then she would again risk her life to make sure he was successful. She was very interesting. I read it quickly and felt each time I picked it up that I was transported to where she was. I guess I should mention also that I love the movie Shakespeare In Love. Not surprised, are you? Like I said, I have a thing about Shakespeare.

Ok, next up Vinegar Hill by A. Manette Ansay (another Oprah book pick)