yet another one

Yet another interview tomorrow. I am getting tired of this. This may be the last one for me for a good, long time. The constant up and down, the emotional roller coaster. The trying to imagine rearranging my whole life to fit in a job at this point in my life when I really still want to be super mom and not just another working mom. I know it takes a lot of determination and balance to pull this off gracefully; I wonder if I have it in me. I think about the things that will be for the better. The paycheck, the extra money to pay off and pay for things we haven't been able to do in along time, maybe even ever. The pride in teaching yet another group of little people to read and enjoy school. The hugs and expectant faces looking to for all kinds of information. The stories to be read aloud. The science experiments to be demonstrated.

It seems to me the good is all about helping other people and feeling good about it. The bad is the more selfish side of me, wanting to make sure I don't give away the best of me to other people's children and not save any patience and love for my own wonderful girlies. Guess I'll just have to wait and see...yet again, what happens next. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.