no training wheels

I am so excited for my girlies tonight. I have an 8 year old and a 6 year old who still had training wheels on their bikes as of this morning. The reasons for that are many. We live in a very hilly neighborhood, with narrow gravelly roads where cars drive through way too fast. So they are not allowed to ride in the street by our house. We seldom take the bikes with us to the park or school because the bikes don't fit into the Escape easily since they have training wheels on them. They just do not get to practice the skills very often, maybe 4 times a year. That isn't enough to learn how to ride a bike. They need to work on their balance, steering, stopping, starting again.

I suggested to my husband this afternoon that we should take the girls over to the school where they could ride and play on the playground and we could run on the track. It was a warm day but not humid like it usually is here in Virginia. He said, "Only if those training wheels come off!" The girlies looked a little nervous but were up for trying it out. So I took the wheels off and he loaded them into the car and away we went.

My husband started off with S and her tiny Dora the Explorer bike. She obviously needs a bigger bike already. But a few times around the parking lot with Chris holding on to the back of the seat and then gradually letting go was all S needed. She started riding around like she knew how to do it all along. She then struggled with starting up on her own, trying to figure out how to get the top pedal to go down while picking up her other foot and going without wobbling too much. On an downhill she had no problem but on an incline she struggled. She will be riding all over next time we go, I bet, without any help whatsoever. Good job S!

Now M, this is a different story altogether. Poor M, so like me it is quite scary. So afraid to try new things. So focused on the anxiety of the moment she can't see the fun to be had if she would just relax and give it a try. She is a great student and ballet dancer and a good soccer player. She is very artistic and loves to write her own songs and perform them when no one is watching. But as soon as there is an audience, forget it. She can't understand what she is doing wrong, she always thinks she is doing what you are telling her and then she takes it so personally. She thinks we don't like her or are mad at her if she doesn't do it right. Chris gets very frustrated with this. Her behavior isn't logical or rational, therefore he has no idea what to do with it. I completely understand where is coming from, she is a miniature version of me. But I still don't know the best way to get through to her. I know that yelling or threatening or sarcastically making fun of her is not the way. That's what my father did to me as a kid. It doesn't work, trust me. I don't want to go so far the opposite direction though and coddle her and let her off the hook either.

So I helped M out first. She was getting the hang of it I thought and then she got really wiggly, stopped pedaling and kept falling to one side. Because she felt out of control, she started to get even more scared of crashing, even though she hadn't fallen or gotten hurt yet. So when she started to cry her nervous cry, Chris took over. She seemed to do a little better but then she just broke down. She thought she was doing what he was telling her, but he kept asking "What are you doing?" which just made her even more anxious. She had some success but she was so focused on crashing that she couldn't enjoy it. She had to take a break and play on the playground while we ran at the track and try again afterwards. She better afterwards and finally got tot he point where she was riding the length of the parking lot without me holding on. But boy, what an evening!

I am sure Chris and I will have many discussions over how to reach M in the next 15 years. Whether it is about a new sport, driving lessons, a new boyfriend, or a difficult teacher. Chris subscribes to the "Suck it up, cry baby" way of thinking where kids only get trophies for doing something spectacular, not for just participating. I agree with that about earning something special and not just being handed it. But I also believe that sometimes, it is okay to be a little afraid and to need more time to accomplish something new. I also think people find motivation in different forms. Chris tells me stories of his coaches from childhood and their methods of tough love. I'm not a fan of throwing a baseball at a child's head to get them to pay attention. But I do understand how that would motivate him. Someone calls into question your ability to perform and he steps up. He makes them realize he is better than they thought. That would not work on me. I would have quit if someone threw a ball at my head. And I never would have tried it again. I need someone to talk to me, to explain how the sport works, what to expect and how I can improve. I need a plan of attack. I need more information to be comfortable trying something new. And then I need to feel success, or I'm done. I know this about myself. I quit things very easily if it doesn't come to me quickly. I was on 3 sports teams in high school for about 3 weeks each. I also never tried out for the one sport I was good at because I was afraid I wouldn't be good enough. I am also okay with just being mediocre if I am having fun. I was third last chair flute player in the band (that is 39th out of 42), but I loved it. All my friends were there. I felt no motivation to practice and get better, but I went all four years and had a blast. Chris would never be just mediocre.

This is also why setting a goal of a 1000 day running streak keeps Chris running, every day, no matter what. Because he said he would do it, so he will. I think things like that in my head but realize I am not that internally motivated. I would quit so I never start something like that in the first place. Amazing how we ended up together. I am glad we did, we will compliment each other's styles and show the girlies a wide range of ways to approach new and different things. Hopefully this will make them well rounded confident girls. And we won't scar them with our stories of opposite extremes.