employment roller coaster

So I had just gotten used to the idea that I have no job for the upcoming school year. I interviewed 5 different times for 4 different positions and was not called for any of them. At first I was a little disappointed. Then I was content, knowing that whatever happens will be for the best. Even if I can't see the big picture right now, I know God has plans for me. Maybe this will free me up to do more through my church or maybe the right job is yet to come along. I am constantly at odds within myself over whether or not I want to go back to teaching at all. I feel like I should try it out now, while my teaching license is still valid and I haven't forgotten everything I once knew. Since I haven't been successful in my interviews, maybe they know something that I don't know. Maybe they know that my own children are more important to me than other people's children. Maybe they know that I haven't worked in a school setting in over 8 years so things are very different as far as paperwork, requirements, and assessments. Maybe they know that I would rather be teaching preschool than middle school. Maybe they know I would rather be available to go on every field trip and help a friend with childcare than be at a 7-4 job and then still have hours of planning to do in the evening when I should be helping my own children and making dinner and being that mom and wife I want to be.

I say all this in a stream of consciousness kind of ranting, but then I remember that just a few hours ago I got another phone call for yet another teaching job interview for Monday. So, on Monday I will put on my only outfit fit for a professional setting and go into the school with a smile and tell all I know about reading interventions. This is a part time position in a neighboring county so school holidays and snow days could be different. Something to think about. But like the other 5 interviews, I am not even thinking about what to do if I do get it. I refuse to clutter up my brain with what ifs. I need to remain calm, interview the best I can, and then wait patiently until I find out what the next step will be. This employment roller coaster is wearing me out. Only a month to go before school starts so this might all shake out by then...I hope!