#92 Shadow Baby

Shadow Baby by Alison McGhee is book number 92. It was a Today's Book Club choice. I used to watch the Today Show every morning, when M was a baby. It was really the only way I got any sort of news about the world around me when I was a new stay at home mom. I bought this book many years ago at the Greene Valley Book Fair. It is an awesome place to get all kinds of books for really cheap prices. I think I paid $3.50 for this one in particular.

An eleven year old girl makes friends with an elderly neighbor for a school project and ends up getting so much more out of the relationship. She is raised by her mother and desperately wants to know something about her father, grandfather, and the twin sister who did not survive child birth. In order to cope with all the missing information in her life, she spins her own tales of history. She has a great imagination and adds so much detail to those stories you'd think that it really happened that way. It could have, she says.

I seem to have fallen into a pattern where every book I pick up, without it even saying so on the back cover, is about a central character who is missing one or both parents. Or the parent is this scary, abusive figure. There has to be an exciting, moving story out there about a main character with both of her parents. Not all conflict has to be about parent child relationships, does it? I hope that a few of the 91 books that I have left to read will be examples of complicated, interesting characters who have loving parents.

This book was an okay read, don't feel the need to ever reread it like Little Women or Where the Red Fern Grows. It went by quick enough and held my attention on my treadmill. Next is Crow Lake by Mary Lawson - another Today's Book Club choice.

Day 5 VBS

Awesome!!! VBS finished today with a whopping collection of over $1500 toward getting a service dog for a local community member. I am proud to have helped out with this year's VBS and may be able to be convinced to help again next year - if I can pass the recruiting piece to someone else. I liked the rest of the tasks and felt good to donate my services and time to such a worthy cause. What a wonderful group of volunteers to work with as well. Thanks to everyone who helped out for such a huge community event.

Interview #2 went okay, I guess. I definitely felt less informed and ready to answer the questions from today. I even had to just say "No I am not familiar with that" at one point. I think the job itself sounded very interesting and worthwhile. Something I would like being challenged with and the hours looked as though it would be 3 days a week. Which sounds nice since I am coming off of 8 years of unemployment. But I am not really that hopeful for being chosen for this particular job. They will probably go with someone a little more experienced in this area already. But at least I tried. The principal said she would contact me in a few weeks either way. So we'll see....next interview is on Monday. Have a great weekend!

Day 4 VBS

Four down, one more to go. As soon as I said, "I actually have nothing to do at the moment" to a fellow volunteer, a poor little kid came through the door with two bloody knees! So I got to perform some first aid with what we had and then make the phone call home to make sure mom was aware of the fall. So, I will not be making any kind of crazy "I have nothing to do" statements again! Other than that though, Day 4 went very well. I even had 2 volunteers say that they would like to do it again next year!

I went to the first of three interviews today for a third grade position at the school my daughter M will attend in the fall. I think it went pretty well. I answered their questions with minimal "ummming" and had some good questions for them. It was nice to feel like a grown-up and use my college education for something productive, but I still have some nagging thoughts at the back of my mind about working again in a school. Trying to stay positive and be open-minded about it. Interview #2 is tomorrow, part time reading intervention.....

Day 3 VBS

Another smooth day at VBS. At one point, a fellow volunteer asked if I was bored?! I have to say that I had a few minutes to just sit and enjoy the hard work I (and the rest of the VBS team) have put in over the last 5 months. I tried not to take it personally and get defensive. Like I had to prove that I was a crazy working machine. But honestly most of my work was done with the many phone calls and spreadsheets and emails. I am just the gopher girl, who does first aid and schedules back up volunteers during the actual week. Making sure everyone has what they need. I had to get a back up toddler teacher for the day since a volunteer decided not to return. I think we are fully covered tomorrow.

I also found out today that I will miss the end of VBS "party." The team decided to get pizza for all the volunteers and then help everyone take down the decorations. I scheduled an interview for 1pm so I'll miss the festivities. I am kind of sad, it would be fun to get to be with everyone without the almost 400 kids coming to VBS. But what can I do?

I also got home today and got 2 more phone calls from different schools and so I have 3 interviews in 5 days. One tomorrow for 3rd grade, one on Friday for reading intervention and one on Monday for kindergarten. Hopefully, one of these will be the right job for me. I am nervous about the interviews but only because I don't know which one I really want to do. But since that is getting ahead of myself, I am trying to just wait and see. I may not have any decisions to make at all. Maybe I won't get any of the jobs, or maybe I'll get just one and that will be that, or maybe.... OK I'll stop and just wait till all the interviews are over. We'll chat more about it next week:)

Day 2 VBS

Even better today. I even had a moment where I wasn't doing anything! But mostly I wandered the hallways, filling in where needed, taking preschoolers to the bathroom, putting on bandaids, getting peanut free snacks to the kids with peanut allergies, finding moms of distressed kids, bringing kids who came late to their places in the rotation, etc.

A friend invited me and the girlies to the pool after VBS. We had a great time. Thanks so much Cary!

In preparation for the 4 miler race I run in September, I met with some ladies for an easy 1 mile run at the high school track. It was great getting to run with friends and chat afterwards.

I had a great day! I have great friends. I am so blessed.

day 1 VBS

Day 1 of VBS went pretty well. Very impressed with all our preparation and hope tomorrow goes even smoother. With that said, I am exhausted! See ya tomorrow...

Happy Father's Day

We had a really nice day today. I hope my husband enjoyed his special day. The girlies and I got him some white chocolate truffles. Then we went to a friend's church to watch their newest little one get baptized followed by a nice lunch reception at their house. We had a great time playing and catching up with friends. Chris got to jump on the trampoline with the kids too! It looked like fun, but in my skirt I wasn't about to try it out.

Tomorrow is Day 1 of VBS. I'm a little nervous but excited. It has been a long time coming. The planning, calling of volunteers, organizing of schedules and supplies, etc. I am looking forward to wearing my Camp EDGE baseball cap - my flat iron broke and this humid weather is frizzing up my hair something awful! I am excited to see all the familiar preschool faces and hopefully a lot of new ones too!

Keep the praying going for VBS. Hopefully we are ready for anything that the day might throw at us...

blah no more

I have been feeling kinda blah lately. I have gained a little weight recently, not sure of the cause - maybe stress, job hunting, my new found love of avocados? Mostly it must be the more calories in than calories burned in exercise. I get the simplicity of it, even if I cannot seem to make the numbers even out. Steadily losing or maintaining is best, this gaining thing has to stop. I have no desire to shop for clothes a size bigger.

So I have decided to step up my running. Normally I am a 2 to 3 mile runner 3 times a week. And that is a perfect week, one without hormones, volunteer obligations, or traveling. I have been working on the 30 day shred DVD as well. I did about 12 workouts, not every day but every 2 to 3 days. But since none of this has counteracted the weight gain, I guess I need to step it up. So my plan is to run 4 times a week, at least. Maybe just walking on my treadmill a few more times. I have the time, it is summer and I am still unemployed. It is the motivation I need. I have a ton of books to read, so I can just hop up there on the treadmill and walk and read and have some time to myself. The treadmill is in the basement now and the kids don't come down to bother me when I am down there. They are old enough to manage upstairs without much care for an hour. I would like to add the 30 day shred to this and actually do it every day like Jillian intended. Maybe I can get my husband to do it with me. He likes having a routine to follow and he will keep me doing it every day even when I don't want to. I am not internally motivated to keep up a routine. Not sure why, maybe I'm just lazy. Mostly though, every time I get involved in exercising I don't lose weight so I think, why bother?

I guess my problem is the food. I used to be a boredom eater. Nothing else to do? Might as well eat some junk food. I am not an emotional eater, food doesn't make me feel better, unless I was hungry:) I have discovered all kinds of foods in the last few years that I never knew I liked. Avocados, either plain on a sandwich or wrap, or in the form of guacamole is so yummy! Too bad I think Mexican fried chimichangas when I think guacamole. I need to reexamine my portion sizes too, because I have been trying to make healthier food for meals again. I have a plethora of Weight Watchers cookbooks from when I lost 35 pounds 5 years ago. I need to look through them again and see if I can find some recipes that my kids would eat (now that they actually eat what I make and not baby food like the last time around). I guess I could keep a food journal again to see where the calories are adding up. Not sure how much effort I want to put into this - see, right there is my main problem:)

O well, I guess I'll keep track of my food and exercise for the next month and see if any of these changes have made a difference. I'll keep you posted. It would be a nice birthday gift to myself to be 5 pounds lighter. On the bright side I have worked back up to 3 miles on the treadmill and I finally felt good today when I was done. It has been awhile since I have felt good after exercising, probably because I haven't been running hard enough or long enough, working back up to 4 miles for a race I do every September.

relief

I am feeling a little bit of relief right now. I am the preschool director for my church's VBS this summer. A job I volunteered for, to an extent. You may have noticed my ranting earlier in the month about people who say they will help and then don't. I don't mind helping out, I have the time and energy and even the experience with children. I just didn't want to be the only one doing stuff. The assistant pastor and his wife have been awesome, what hard working wonderful people. I also didn't want to be the one calling everybody who may or may not have attended our church during the past year to get reliable volunteers. I detest calling people out of the blue and asking them to volunteer. It just isn't my cup of tea. I am not a phone talker anyway, unless my college roommate calls:)

Well, it turns out that God does provide, because coming out of the woodwork here lately is a slew of people who have had changes in their summer plans and are now available. Yay! I'll take it, I don't care what happened, what changes people's minds, I'm just glad it happened. So right now, 4 days out, the preschool VBS is fully staffed with a couple of people as extras just in case someone is sick or whatever. What a relief! I may be actually able to interact with my own children today instead of being constantly on my hotmail or the phone. And even though it is fully staffed, I still cannot wait until next Friday. When the whole thing is over and kids from all over the community have had a blast getting to know about God. It is all worth it, all the stress of finding volunteers, getting supplies out to them, working with other adults who are intense. If we can help a child feel connected to God, we have done a good thing.

So, please pray for us next week. All the children, all the parents bringing and picking up their beautiful preschoolers, and of course for all the volunteers.

#93 Plain Truth

So about 15 minutes ago I finished Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult. It is one of those books you can read through pretty quickly. It tells an interesting story without ever really getting too deep into any one of the characters. A few details about the story were a surprise but mostly it followed a predictable path from beginning to end. It also seemed to me like it would make a compelling made-for-TV movie, if you like that sort of thing, of course.

Having grown up in Pennsylvania, about an hour or two away from Lancaster and Amish country, I remember seeing lots of buggies on the smaller country highways. I knew a little about Amish culture but it was interesting to read about their community and religious differences. No phone, no cars, no need for any of that stuff. Helping each other out as a sense of community instead of an obligation or chore. Being genuinely content with what you have and who you are with at all times. What a peace they must have. A love for each other without ridiculous expectations and conditions.

Legal thrillers are always easy for me to read. I have read just about all of John Grisham's stuff. They move along quickly, introducing characters and case details at regular intervals to keep you hooked and following along until the moment you have it all figured out just before the author reveals everything you need to know. Not quality literature I know, but an easy read to pass the time on my treadmill.

On to 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter by Vicki Courtney. I am not usually a nonfiction reader. But this book is the basis for a small group that I am leading through my mother-daughter book club for the moms. We got a hold of the DVD and study guides to read along and have discussions about how we can help our daughters as they grow older and mature and how we can help each other through the next 10 years of our lives. I am excited to read this one.

therapy

Chris just read my blog post from yesterday and said, "At least they will have a lot to talk about in therapy." I nodded and laughed but I am hoping that won't be necessary:)

no training wheels

I am so excited for my girlies tonight. I have an 8 year old and a 6 year old who still had training wheels on their bikes as of this morning. The reasons for that are many. We live in a very hilly neighborhood, with narrow gravelly roads where cars drive through way too fast. So they are not allowed to ride in the street by our house. We seldom take the bikes with us to the park or school because the bikes don't fit into the Escape easily since they have training wheels on them. They just do not get to practice the skills very often, maybe 4 times a year. That isn't enough to learn how to ride a bike. They need to work on their balance, steering, stopping, starting again.

I suggested to my husband this afternoon that we should take the girls over to the school where they could ride and play on the playground and we could run on the track. It was a warm day but not humid like it usually is here in Virginia. He said, "Only if those training wheels come off!" The girlies looked a little nervous but were up for trying it out. So I took the wheels off and he loaded them into the car and away we went.

My husband started off with S and her tiny Dora the Explorer bike. She obviously needs a bigger bike already. But a few times around the parking lot with Chris holding on to the back of the seat and then gradually letting go was all S needed. She started riding around like she knew how to do it all along. She then struggled with starting up on her own, trying to figure out how to get the top pedal to go down while picking up her other foot and going without wobbling too much. On an downhill she had no problem but on an incline she struggled. She will be riding all over next time we go, I bet, without any help whatsoever. Good job S!

Now M, this is a different story altogether. Poor M, so like me it is quite scary. So afraid to try new things. So focused on the anxiety of the moment she can't see the fun to be had if she would just relax and give it a try. She is a great student and ballet dancer and a good soccer player. She is very artistic and loves to write her own songs and perform them when no one is watching. But as soon as there is an audience, forget it. She can't understand what she is doing wrong, she always thinks she is doing what you are telling her and then she takes it so personally. She thinks we don't like her or are mad at her if she doesn't do it right. Chris gets very frustrated with this. Her behavior isn't logical or rational, therefore he has no idea what to do with it. I completely understand where is coming from, she is a miniature version of me. But I still don't know the best way to get through to her. I know that yelling or threatening or sarcastically making fun of her is not the way. That's what my father did to me as a kid. It doesn't work, trust me. I don't want to go so far the opposite direction though and coddle her and let her off the hook either.

So I helped M out first. She was getting the hang of it I thought and then she got really wiggly, stopped pedaling and kept falling to one side. Because she felt out of control, she started to get even more scared of crashing, even though she hadn't fallen or gotten hurt yet. So when she started to cry her nervous cry, Chris took over. She seemed to do a little better but then she just broke down. She thought she was doing what he was telling her, but he kept asking "What are you doing?" which just made her even more anxious. She had some success but she was so focused on crashing that she couldn't enjoy it. She had to take a break and play on the playground while we ran at the track and try again afterwards. She better afterwards and finally got tot he point where she was riding the length of the parking lot without me holding on. But boy, what an evening!

I am sure Chris and I will have many discussions over how to reach M in the next 15 years. Whether it is about a new sport, driving lessons, a new boyfriend, or a difficult teacher. Chris subscribes to the "Suck it up, cry baby" way of thinking where kids only get trophies for doing something spectacular, not for just participating. I agree with that about earning something special and not just being handed it. But I also believe that sometimes, it is okay to be a little afraid and to need more time to accomplish something new. I also think people find motivation in different forms. Chris tells me stories of his coaches from childhood and their methods of tough love. I'm not a fan of throwing a baseball at a child's head to get them to pay attention. But I do understand how that would motivate him. Someone calls into question your ability to perform and he steps up. He makes them realize he is better than they thought. That would not work on me. I would have quit if someone threw a ball at my head. And I never would have tried it again. I need someone to talk to me, to explain how the sport works, what to expect and how I can improve. I need a plan of attack. I need more information to be comfortable trying something new. And then I need to feel success, or I'm done. I know this about myself. I quit things very easily if it doesn't come to me quickly. I was on 3 sports teams in high school for about 3 weeks each. I also never tried out for the one sport I was good at because I was afraid I wouldn't be good enough. I am also okay with just being mediocre if I am having fun. I was third last chair flute player in the band (that is 39th out of 42), but I loved it. All my friends were there. I felt no motivation to practice and get better, but I went all four years and had a blast. Chris would never be just mediocre.

This is also why setting a goal of a 1000 day running streak keeps Chris running, every day, no matter what. Because he said he would do it, so he will. I think things like that in my head but realize I am not that internally motivated. I would quit so I never start something like that in the first place. Amazing how we ended up together. I am glad we did, we will compliment each other's styles and show the girlies a wide range of ways to approach new and different things. Hopefully this will make them well rounded confident girls. And we won't scar them with our stories of opposite extremes.

strep for S

Another round of amoxicillin is in my fridge. Poor S has strep. She is so pathetic and mopey. She missed a party at her "Auntie" Beeb's house. She wanted to see a friend's new baby boy and play with his big sister. She is so tired, she basically watched Phineas and Ferb cartoons all day once we got back from the doctor's office and CVS. I know tomorrow will be better, 24 hours of amox will bring my energetic, happy girl back to me. I am actually glad it is strep, something easily and quickly curable. Something that won't stop her for long.

S is my happy one. She will play with anybody, introduce herself and go about her way making friends and having fun no matter where she is. She is seldom shy and always tries to make other people laugh and smile. Her humor has progressed lately to fart jokes and burping on command. She is enjoying this inappropriate phase immensely. She has even gotten her big sister into making up euphemisms for passing gas. She is now "blowing the cannon." She also likes the word "toot." Sometimes she stands up and says "Wait for it..." and then passes gas and giggles. The first time she did this was very funny to me, not so much anymore. But she can be very funny. I hope that she soon understands the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. She probably knows the difference already but is enjoying the inappropriate anyway:) That would be just like her. And to tell you the truth, I love her just the way she is, inappropriate or not.

no more school

Today was the last day of school. I was planning on not volunteering today, just enjoying my last 5 hours of quiet time. I thought I would run on the treadmill and do my 30 day shred workout - I am on Day 10. I thought I would read some more of Plain Truth while laying on the couch with the ceiling fan showering me with a gentle breeze and Pandora playing my Marie Digby station. But when S asked if I was planning on coming to school with her today, like I have done very other Wednesday for her entire kindergarten year - I couldn't say no.

So I went to school and helped the teacher take down all the bulletin boards. I watched the kindergarten sing songs for the rest of the school. I put temporary tattoos on 24 kids. I pulled names off of every surface and pocket chart. I took down the word wall and calendar. I helped stuff report card envelopes. I got to eat lunch with M and then S. I even got free pizza and lemonade! Then I got to bring my girlies home with me. They were quiet all the way home. I think they were tired. I think they were a little sad, not that they said so, but why else would they be so quiet? Transitions can be hard. I hope this year it doesn't take 2 weeks for the girlies to get used to be with each other all day every day. I hope they are excited with all the fun we will have this summer. I hope it doesn't fly by in a blur. I am excited to have them home. I like some quiet time every now and again, but I am lonely most days without them. They are fun and they are funny. They are the light of my life. They are the loves of my life. They are my girlies!

i'm cranky:(

Have I mentioned before that I dislike being a coordinator? I am not an extremely organized person by nature, but I do feel like I managed to teach for 5 years without too much trouble. I graduated college with almost all A's. I earned a Master's degree from the University of Virginia while teaching full time. I could not have done any of this if I wasn't internally motivated to do things well, to go beyond the bare minimum and put my best effort forward on every task I set out to accomplish. That being said, I am not one of those people who feel the need to organize everybody, micro-manage projects, or tell other people what to do. I do not get a thrill from being in charge. I am usually a follower, not a leader. I like being a sidekick, a helper. Tell me what needs to be done and I will try my best to do it. But I have a "job" right now that is making me crazy... why is recruiting for volunteer activities so difficult?

Personally, I think it is because people just think someone else will do it. Or they think that since they are volunteering, it doesn't matter if they show up or not, do a good job or not, let anyone know their plans or not. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to think you have things covered and then someone just doesn't show up? Doesn't anybody have a sense of work ethic anymore? I have done my share of volunteering this year. I am the sole member of the teacher appreciation committee at my girlies school. I am also a member of the children's ministry team at my church. I am a substitute Sunday school teacher. I volunteer in kindergarten every Wednesday for at least 2 hours, but usually about 4 hours. I try to be there every time I say I will; teachers, parents, and children are counting on me. I am not trying to look superior and I don't expect a pat on the back for what I have done, I do it because it needs to be done and I feel good knowing I helped where I could. I know that being a mom, working or stay at home is a tough job. Kids get sick, relatives visit, vacations happen, but there should still be a sense of obligation to things you said you would do. If you say you are going to do something, people are counting on you. And then when you don't do it, people are disappointed, not to mention left without any help.

I also don't understand people who constantly take advantage of the free child care offered through our church without ever volunteering to help out every once in a while. I'm not saying they need to spend every moment of their lives watching other people's children, but helping out a few hours here and there would make the whole process flow smoother. It would open the church's services to many more children in the community, spreading the word of God even further. And isn't that the point of VBS? I know that some people view VBS in the summer as child care, a way to get 3 hours of time to themselves in the summertime. I am trying not to pass judgment, it isn't my place. BUT, the members of our church know all year that VBS is coming. They know that every year, more children from the community come - we have an awesome VBS every year. They know that means we need more grown-ups every year to create a safe and fun environment. So, why am I still looking for 8 more people with VBS only 2 weeks away? And why do I feel like the only one still looking for these last few volunteers? And why do I get myself into situations like this? I am learning something about myself through this whole experience though. Don't ask questions about things if you aren't prepared to then be in charge of it. Don't be surprised or fooled by people who say they will help you and then don't. I don't mean to sound so pessimistic or jaded, but I am so tired of other people not putting the same effort into what they say they will do. It is not fair to the others involved.

I am frustrated and grumpy. I know this will pass, that once VBS has gone off successfully, I'll feel bad that I felt the need to rant like this. But that is the point of my blog, to voice my opinions, tell my tales, rant my rants and rave my raves. To get whatever I am feeling or thinking out, so it doesn't nag at me. So hopefully, I will be able to find 8 more volunteers in the next 2 weeks. I'll keep praying; and if you are so inclined, your prayers would be helpful too!

#94 Vinegar Hill

So what is up with these books? This is another one of Oprah's picks from years ago. I started reading and really was interested in the story line. I kept waiting for Ellen to make her move, to say something about her situation. She was a complicated woman, being progressive enough in the 70s to have a job, but also not advanced enough to talk to her husband, stand up to her in-laws, and take charge of her own happiness.

I am trying to remember this book does come from the 70s. Since I was born in 1974, I don't remember a lot of how it was back then. But I also don't understand how a book just ends without an ending. She finally works herself up to leave her husband, take her children, and get a job farther away. But that all happens in the last 5 pages and you are closing the back cover when she tells her children they are leaving. Hurray for her, I guess. But what about the show down with her husband? What about the in-laws? A fragile mother in-law and husband who has just discovered that he actually likes his family even if he was a abused as a child and can't show it. Seems a shame to not even give him a chance to understand her unhappiness and try to make it better. Maybe he wouldn't even try, maybe he'd just continue living with his parents and ignoring his children. But shouldn't he get an opportunity to weigh in on this decision she is making?

So, at first I was in to this book, reading it very quickly and anxiously awaiting the showdown. The discussion, the arguing, the yelling and screaming, but all I got was passive anger and resentment. I can get that in my own family:) So, still not a fan of Oprah picks. I can't decide if I should just pack up the rest of the ones I have and give them away without reading them? Or do I read them all, making it a mission of mine to find one, just one, Oprah book that I enjoy? It doesn't seem like that much to ask! What do you think?

Next up, #93 Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult.

rainy day errands

So many errands to run today and it is pouring down rain. I wish I owned a raincoat.

I need to pick up S's guitar I had restrung so she can sing and play along with the High School Musical and Hannah Montana and Taylor Swift songs she loves so much. I need to change the oil in my car, it is long overdue. I need to find a window shade for the girlies room that darkens the room and blocks out the morning light so that maybe they will sleep past 6:00am this summer. They want a later bedtime this summer and that will only work if they learn to sleep in a little bit later or they will be grouchy. I need to stop somewhere and buy Tropicana OJ for my husband, he is addicted to it and we are all out. I am having a Tastefully Simnple Party at my house on Tuesday night so I also need to stop by and pick up my party food kit. Yum! Let's see, what else?

To make my errands run a little more tolerable in this rain I am going to stop at this little drive-up coffee place called Java Express and get a nonfat chai tea latte. Yum! I can almost taste it already. But first I need to shower. I just ran on my treadmill while reading a book. So, you can imagine I didn't run very fast but I got my 35 minutes in today and that was all I was looking for. I would like tp lose a few pounds so my clothes fit a little better, so I am going to up my running from 3 days a week to 4 or 5. I hope that extra effort will help.

I also need to start training for the Women's 4 Miler Race I run every September. I can run 4 miles without to much trouble but I never get any faster so my goal this year is too really train for it better than I have in the past. I have run it 5 times now and had the best time the first year I ran it. I get slower every year, maybe because of the extra 5-10 pounds, maybe the weather or my training or lack thereof. So this year I hope to finish in under 42 minutes. I would really love to find a running partner. Someone who would run with me a few times a week. I run quite a bit on the treadmill, but I need to get back outside to get used to hills and weather and temperature again. The race is the Saturday before Labor Day every year. Some times it can be really hot and one year it rained , so you never know what it will be like.

If you are interested in running this summer, let me know. I want to be able to run up to 6 miles(I have only ever done 5.5 so far) and I want to get my time down to running 9 to 10 minute miles instead of 10.5 - 11.5 minute miles. I usually don't mind running slow, I am impressed that I can run that far. But I would like to beat my time this year. I'm not sure if that is realistic or not, but I won't find out until I try so wish me luck.

Christmas clutter

So, what to do today? My days are numbered. The girls have 5 days of school left, counting today. I am trying to think about what I should do before they are here all day, every day. I have managed to clean out a significant part of the house over the last few weeks. I have taken 2 trips to Goodwill and collected countless garbage bags of trash. The girls have a major project of cleaning out their room and playroom of all toys they have outgrown when school gets out. So I have left those rooms alone for the most part. Maybe when that project is complete we will be able to separate their bunk beds and give them their own space. I know M is really looking forward to having her own space, even if it is just to be able to decorate it! S has been hesitant in the past to want her own room, she says she will miss M. But lately, she seems more open to the idea.

We need a little more space. I hope we will be able to figure out a way to finish the basement off, making a great room with the the kids toys and couch and TV and Wii, etc. We would love to have a pool table someday down there as well. An extra room to be used as an office or extra bedroom for guests would be helpful too. It is already roughed in for a bathroom. I have seen a really cute layout for a laundry room/art room. The floor was just linoleum, a tub sink surrounded by counters, and many drawers for storage and display surfaces like a cork lined half wall or chalkboard paint. I have great ideas for the last bit of space down there. I haven't convinced my husband of this yet, but I'm working on it. Either the basement needs to be finished off, or we need to find a slightly bigger house.

My husband has a photography business so he could really use some office space and a studio space and storage for all the props he has been collecting. Somewhere the girls can't get into. Right now his office is in the girls' playroom, not the best place for keeping his stuff organized and separate. The girls have a habit of spreading stuff out and not cleaning it up immediately. Like all kids, I am guessing. Or at least I hope my kids aren't the messiest ones on the planet:)

Anyway, maybe I'll tackle the Christmas corner today. Last year I only got out the bare minimum for decorations, we were installing hardwood floors right before Christmas and so we only had a week before Christmas to put up the tree and such. I didn't think we needed everything out. Which, of course, got me wondering why do I have all this stuff if I don't want to put it all out. A lot of the decorations were gifts. I don't know why I have a hard time getting rid of things people gave me, they never visit our house so they wouldn't even notice if I still had it or not. I feel like if someone spent their money and time and energy finding me a present I should keep it, whether or not I like it or use it. Well, that is how I used to feel. Now my philosophy is more like if I don't love it and use it, it needs to go. I am not a big holiday decorator, really I only put out stuff for Christmas. I have Easter baskets for the girls, a few pumpkin/jack o' lantern candles and candy bowls for Halloween. But that is it. I could really downsize the amount of Christmas stuff too. I really enjoy putting up the things my girlies have made at school rather than pre-made decorations. I also have a bunch of ornaments from when I was a kid. I have them but I don't put them on the tree. My tree is now for my new family, my husband and my girlies. The tree should be full of things we have gotten or made together. Does that make sense? Except of course for my pine cone Santa. I made it in kindergarten and if it isn't on the tree, something is severely wrong. One Christmas not too long ago, I couldn't find it. I actually cried, I know, what a wuss! But no, it means a lot to me and it just isn't Christmas without the little guy. My husband teases me about it but he understands my need for it even if he doesn't get why. He's a good man.

Anyway, I guess I'll get on with my treadmill run and get to cleaning out the Christmas stuff...

here comes summer

I am looking over all the papers I have gotten recently for summer activities for the children. It is amazing to me all the options! I overheard another mom at school today talking about girl scout camp. That sounds like fun. S wants to learn to play lacrosse. M wants to do field hockey. They both play soccer and take ballet during the school year. S wants swim lessons, presumable to have access to a pool this summer. M loves to draw and has asked about painting classes. How will I decide what activities will be worth the money and time driving back and forth. I don't want to over schedule them, they need free time, play time, time to be bored so they can see what their own imaginations can cook up. I like them having interests and a structured time to learn something new, but I also like the idea of lazy, fun play dates with friends and just hanging out together while they still want to hang out with me. The girlies are 6 and 8 so my days are numbered, I know. Pretty soon I'll be Mother(as in Oh, Mother -with an eye roll), instead of Mommy(as in I love you Mommy, you are so smart, so pretty, so awesome Mommy). S tells me that "I rock!" I love that:)

We also have travel plans to Cleveland near the 4th of July and VBS with our local church in June. Grandma wants a chance to spoil them for a few days this summer too! I am looking at the calendar and feel like if I start to schedule a few things, pretty soon the whole summer will be over. I am really looking forward to the summer. I am tired of making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at 7am. I am tired of nagging to finish homework and rushing them around like a really mean warden. I am looking forward to movie nights, camping out in the backyard, dinners with friends during the week, later bedtimes, catching fireflies, making snow cones, tagging along to the pool with friends, and anything else we think of.

On top of all that, I am trying to find a job after 8 years of being at home with my girlies. I was a teacher before and like those hours, snow days, and summer vacations, especially now that I am a mom. I have gone this long without putting my children into day care, I would really hate to have to do it now. So I hope that if a job comes my way I'll be able to juggle the work and my family without either suffering too much. I am out of practice, my multi-tasking skills have fallen away while I haven't needed them. Being a stay at home mom is really awesome. I encourage anyone out there to try it. Once you get past the sleep deprivation and screaming toddlers, it is really fun! I have enjoyed that last 8 years a lot. My girlies are so important to me, much more than a paycheck, a summer vacation, or a bigger house. Now that both of my girlies are in school this year, I have had a ton of time to volunteer at the school and the church. I have helped friends by watching their preschoolers when things came up. I have cleaned out my house of a lot of clutter. I have had time to read, watch movies on Netflix, and I have even taken a nap or two during the day when I have felt sick or tired. I ran errands without children begging for things and without that constant state of confusion. You know what I mean, right? The inability to focus on your list or needs at the store because you are trying to keep your children from touching everything, asking for everything, and rearranging everything. Even when they are behaving, just talking to me sometimes breaks my focus and I end up leaving without something crucial. I'm not blaming my lovely children, I know the problem is mine. I cannot seem to finish a sentence or retrieve the right word when talking, I am constantly saying that I gave all my brain cells to my children. So, re-entering the workplace may be quite difficult. I am trying to make the right decision, apply for jobs that will help our family out, not make things more complicated. I would like the extra money, the opportunity to use my skills and my college degrees for more than just 2 kids, the chance to show my girlies that you can be a mom and wife and employee/career woman. I know you can't have it all at the same time, but you can have a lot if you are willing to work for it, if your family is willing to make room for something new, and if you have the courage to try. You never know unless you try. Pray for me:)

#95 Mistress Shakespeare

Mistress Shakespeare by Karen Harper was really good. I enjoy historical fiction immensely and this book gave me everything I like in one place. There was a love story with its own conflict and longing while circumstances beyond control force its way into the lives of two people meant for each other. I like this time period in history: the clothing, the customs, the way they talk. I have been a fan of Shakespeare plays since high school. After Romeo and Juliet, there was so many more to read. I read them for school, any time I got to choose my topic for a paper I found a way to incorporate Shakespeare. I read plays for the term papers and for my own enjoyment. Yes, I am a nerd! I like love stories with complications and humor. I also love Jane Austin and the Bronte sisters. And if you couldn't tell by my choices so far, Little Women is one of my favorite books of all time. I love a book that moves you to cry. And I love that moment when you have figured out what will happen next just before they tell you outright.

The enduring love affair between Will and Anne was frustrating and beautiful. She had such a struggle between her own sense of respect for herself and her fierce attachment to Will. What wouldn't you do for someone you loved like that? She was an interesting character that made me want to be more independent and thankful for the love of my husband and family all at the same time. She was strong and brave and emotional and confused and generous and occasionally appreciated beyond her expectations. She made choices that I usually rail against - I am not a fan of adultery in literature. I thought The Bridges of Madison County was just ridiculous. It made me angry. That was not a great love story but a distraction from reality and a complete disregard of responsibilities and family obligations. It has been many years since I have read it, so the details are fuzzy but when I think about it I still get a huge feeling of disappointment.

But Anne Whately, being the main character, was the rightful wife and family and monetary obligations removed her from the life she should have lived. I loved her resolve to stay away from Will, but then she would again risk her life to make sure he was successful. She was very interesting. I read it quickly and felt each time I picked it up that I was transported to where she was. I guess I should mention also that I love the movie Shakespeare In Love. Not surprised, are you? Like I said, I have a thing about Shakespeare.

Ok, next up Vinegar Hill by A. Manette Ansay (another Oprah book pick)

soccer ballerinas

What a weekend! It started early on Friday when I had to pick up M from school with a 102 fever. I got S too and took M straight to the doctor. I am not usually that frantic mother who takes her kid to the doctor for every little thing, but M has a history of strep AND this is the weekend of her dance recital. So if she had something treatable with antibiotics, I wanted to get a full 24 hours of medicine in her so she would feel better and not miss her recital. Turns out it wasn't strep, but it was an ear infection, so we got the antibiotics. She got 2 doses in before bed and felt normal when she woke up on Saturday. Thank goodness!

We missed dress rehearsal Friday night because we were at the doctor and pharmacy and then I thought it best she rest so she could do the recital. Saturday morning was her last soccer game of the season. They played awesome, working together, more shots on goal, more time spent down at our end of the field. We still lost but they have really improved this season. Yay red team!

The grandparents were in town to see the soccer game and recital and they also treated us to the movie Up! It was so cute. I highly recommend it. Next was dinner out and then on to the recital. The girls looked so cute in their costumes and were very excited about performing. I take them to practice every week but I don't get to see what they do, they practice behind the curtain on the stage. So the recital is the only way I get to see how they are doing, what they are learning. I never took dance as a kid and I am not the least bit graceful or coordinated so I am always amazed at what they can do. My girls never seem nervous and they smile up there on stage too. I am so proud of them. Remembering all those steps, keeping to the music, smiling, not being overwhelmed with the amount of people staring at them up on that stage.

It was a busy weekend and my girls did an awesome job. I love my soccer ballerinas!

Oh, and the biggest news from the weekend....S has a wiggly tooth! Her first wiggly tooth, she is so excited!!!!