yet another one

Yet another interview tomorrow. I am getting tired of this. This may be the last one for me for a good, long time. The constant up and down, the emotional roller coaster. The trying to imagine rearranging my whole life to fit in a job at this point in my life when I really still want to be super mom and not just another working mom. I know it takes a lot of determination and balance to pull this off gracefully; I wonder if I have it in me. I think about the things that will be for the better. The paycheck, the extra money to pay off and pay for things we haven't been able to do in along time, maybe even ever. The pride in teaching yet another group of little people to read and enjoy school. The hugs and expectant faces looking to for all kinds of information. The stories to be read aloud. The science experiments to be demonstrated.

It seems to me the good is all about helping other people and feeling good about it. The bad is the more selfish side of me, wanting to make sure I don't give away the best of me to other people's children and not save any patience and love for my own wonderful girlies. Guess I'll just have to wait and see...yet again, what happens next. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

first day of school

Well, my girlies are off to start another year at school. They were very excited this morning and had no trouble getting ready. We carefully picked out our outfits last night, all the way down to socks and shoes and jewelry choices. They ate quickly, brushed their teeth and hair, and were standing out at the end of the driveway waiting for the bus in record time. I am so excited for them and hopeful that another school year will be fun and challenging for my little girlies.

Personally, I am so very sad. My treadmill cannot be fixed! The belt has torn so far this time that it cannot be reattached. No more super glue, hot glue, or staples will bring it back to life. I have been running outside with a friend this summer preparing for a 4 mile race that is in 2 weeks. But when the weather turns colder, I am going to miss that treadmill. I hope that I will be able to get another one soon so I don't use that as an excuse not to exercise. I know the running/walking I do on the treadmill is good for my heart and my stress level. I feel better after I exercise even though I really don't "love" exercising. Maybe I'll be able to find a part time job very soon to help pay for such an expense. I would like a treadmill that has programmed routes/circuits this time. One that automatically speeds up, slows down, does hill intervals, etc. depending on which plan you choose. I haven't researched them much lately but I think I will start, so I'll be ready when we have the money to splurge on a new one. Wish me luck and if you know anything about treadmills, please share!

summer plans

I am listening to Pandora - I go back and forth between my Marie Digby station and my One Republic station - and thinking about the last four days of summer. My girlies start school on Monday! I am in a kind of mourning. I have had so much fun with my girlies this summer, even when we didn't do anything at all. It has been a great summer filled with learning to ride their bikes without training wheels and learning to swim. We got to practice swimming a lot this summer. Thanks to all my friends that invited us to their pools! We had a lot of play dates with friends and even a few sleepovers. We met with our mother-daughter book club and saw a few movies. We painted on canvas and learned to make friendship bracelets. We went out for ice cream and shopped at the book fair. I still can't believe it is almost over! Even with all that we did there are several things I had planned on doing but we just didn't get to, like blackberry picking, bowling, ice skating, teaching the girls to cook/bake, and camping outside in our backyard.

I am going to miss them when they head off to first and third grade. Today, my youngest is at a friend's house celebrating his birthday and I have his big sister here playing with my oldest. They are playing with their American Girl dolls outside and having mini-marshmallows on toothpicks. Not sure what they are doing with it all, but they have a plan and are having fun. So, who am I to ask too many questions:)

The girlies are excited to get back to school though, to see their friends they haven't seen for 2 months, to meet their new teachers, to make new friends. Tonight is Back to School Night for both girls. M moves up to the elementary school this year so we have a brand new school to explore and learn about. I think I may be more curious than she is about her new school. This is also the first male teacher she will have - other than PE. She is really looking forward to school and seeing her friends tonight. S can't wait to see her teacher, a young woman in her second year of teaching. I hope she is bubbly and happy and understands S's need to move around. I hope they both will be happy with their teachers and enjoy school for another year.

I cannot believe there are only four days to go! Maybe I'll get some more time to keep reading once they are back at school. Still working on book #87 - The Book of Fred. I have been having too much fun playing with my girlies to read lately!

family visit

wow - I can't believe I haven't posted since 8/7! I took a little vacation - I mean, a visit to see our family. Family visits aren't really vacations are they? First we went to meet our new nephew (beautiful 5 day old baby boy!) and see my brother and sister in-law, in-laws, grandparents and an aunt on my husband's side. Then we ventured to see my dad and kids, mom and sister and the other set of cousins. The kids had a ton of fun. We swam in the pool and shopped at an outlet center in PA where there is no tax on clothes for school. Then we left our children at Gramma's house in PA and came on back home. The girlies stayed with Gramma till yesterday - a whole week! They got spoiled and played mini golf, went to 2 amusement parks, countless toys from McDonalds, etc. What they also got was junk food, no bedtime, and rewarded for whining! It should take a few days to whip them back into shape:)

I really missed them. It was exceptionally quiet in the house and for the most part I just tried to enjoy doing nothing. Reading a book, catching up on some TV I had recorded on the DVR, grocery shopping alone! Although I enjoyed getting to do these things by myself, I really found that I like the swirling chaos of noise - Hannah Montana and someone singing along in the bedroom while Phineas and Ferb is on the TV and giggling. It was way too quiet without them.

I'm glad they are home. I hope they are glad to be home too. I hope they are still glad when I drag them to the store later to get supplies for making school lunches - school starts on Monday!

#88 The Ten Year Nap

All I can say after finishing this book is I think my time would have been better spent actually taking a nap. Not a ten year long one, of course, but a nap nonetheless.

There were parts of this book that were intriguing, at least at first. I was very interested in how these four friends interacted and supported each other through the ups and downs of stay at home motherhood. But the truth of it was they didn't really support each other. Sure, they met at a diner for breakfast on a regular basis but they didn't really talk about how they were feeling, what they wanted to do, and what they are scared of with each other. They discussed politics and volunteer work, without getting too deep. They had their own dramas to deal with but they rarely invited anyone else into the thick of it.

One character totally turned me off in her retelling of her decision to abort a baby while still in art school. She makes the claim that she doesn't really think about it anymore. I am thoroughly pro-choice - meaning I don't think any political body should tell a women what she can and can't do with her own body. I, personally, would not have an abortion but I don't want to get involved in other people's lives in that way. That being said, I also don't believe that a woman who has an abortion can just move along with her life and never think about it again. I don't believe it for a second and I don't think I would want to be involved with a person who could feel that way about it. I don't believe you have to constantly punish yourself or even think about it every day of your life afterwards, but I just don't believe that something that monumental in your life could be swept under the carpet, never to come up again.

So, anyway, I had trouble with some of the women characters and their lack of morals or boundaries or sense of friendship. I hope that I have connected better with the friends I have in my life. That we can have real conversations and share our problems, not keep them from each other wondering what they might think of us. I was left feeling very grateful for the friends I do have, friends I can cry to, vent to, share the funny and frustrating parts of stay at home mom-ness, share a rainy morning with, have lunch with, go for a run with, and basically just share my life with them. I love my friends and I hope that I won't have to experience any awkward adjustments of our relationships when we start turning 40, like the characters in this book.

Next up: The Book of Fred by Abby Bardi

3.5 run

I got up at 6am this morning to get ready for a longer run with a friend. I wanted to get the run in before it got too hot, supposed to be over 90 today and sunny. It has been a very mild summer so far here in Virginia. It is usually hazy, hot and humid most every day from May till September. But this year it has been fairly rainy all May and June and then not really even humid till a week or two ago. So I have been spoiled. I run consistently on my treadmill all spring but then I have to venture outside for my training for the 4 mile race I run every September. It is always a hard transition for me.

But this morning I ran with a friend and we did 3.5 miles in the relative shade of a dirt road. We ran this route last Saturday too, but added another .5 mile to work up to the 4 we need to run for the race. I have done the race 5 times already but usually have to run it by myself. I start with a friend but then feel the need to either go slower than the friend or faster than the friend. But this year, I have discovered a friend who runs my pace. She actually makes me run a little faster but she says she isn't sure about running as far. So maybe we'll even each other out. She'll make me go a little faster and I'll keep her going the whole 4 miles. At least this year's race will be more fun, getting to talk and have some company to keep me motivated. I am not internally motivated to complete a lot of things, not very competitive - only competitive with myself. I can celebrate what others accomplish without feeling like I need to do that too. Which makes it hard sometimes to get my sneakers laced and get out the door.

So, anyway, we ran almost 2.5 miles before we turned into a neighborhood to extend the run and saw the hill before us. I psyched myself out of running and slowed down to walk up the hill for about .2 miles. Then, when we got to the top we turned around and started running again, down the hill and continued to finish the 3.5 miles. I am proud of myself for only walking that little bit and being able to then finish the route without stopping again. Sometimes it is hard to keep going once I stop to walk. But having my friend with me to keep talking and getting my mind off what I was doing was a great blessing. We will run again another 2 or 3 times this week. Next week, 4 miles!