the best days

I'm so glad the sun is actually shining right now. It seems as though it has been gray and rainy for weeks. The kids just got off the bus and are now engrossed in Tom and Jerry cartoons. They get about 30 minutes of cartoons to wind down before I get to hear the stories of how their days went. I love this time of day, even though some days it appears that I do not. Truth be told, I missed them all day when they were at school, learning and playing and doing things that I cannot see. What will influence them today? What little girl will be mean to my girl? What little boy will tease because he likes my girl? What teacher will tell them something that I do not agree with? What teacher will explain something to them that I could not? It is scary that they live apart from me now for almost 8 hours a day, five days a week.

I really don't consider myself a control freak, at least not anymore, and not in comparison to t others that I know. And I don't consider myself overprotective either. I like some things done my way, everybody does. But not knowing what my kids are doing and who they are being influenced by is a weird helpless feeling. On days when I really think about this, I just cling to the idea that I have provided them with a good foundation. One based on love and respect. They have boundaries and expectations but also the freedom to talk to me and discuss and negotiate, especially as they both grow older. Some things are just because I said so, because I went to college for 6 years (B.S. and M.Ed.) studying child development, taught elementary school for 5 years, and I am the mom. Others are open to discussion. While I have not been a Christian my entire life, I have always believed in God. I have been a part of a church community for over 4 years now and I believe that God has granted me the honor of my daughters' safe keeping. I believe that I need to encourage them to be who they are in the context of our family and community. Train a child in the way she should go.....

I also believe that these are the best years of my life - right now. We have been blessed so far in that I have been able to stay at home with my lovely girls. A job that I often wished away when sleep deprived or overweight from pregnancy. A job that I treasure more than any other I will have my entire life. Now that my stay at home life is probably drawing to a close, I will look back and think fondly of my lazy days, my play dates with friends for both me and my girls, field trips with preschool, shopping in the middle of the day when stores aren't even crowded, dropping whatever you are doing because it just started to snow, or rain, or someone took a first step, or said a first word. I look forward to the next round of firsts - whatever they may be. And I hope that whatever takes me out of the home as my next job/career will not keep me there when I should be at home with my girls. Priorities change and I can't ever imagine a time when my girls are not the center of my thoughts forever after.

Listen to Taylor Swift's song The Best Days off her Fearless cd. It never fails to make my eyes well up toward the end, even when I think I have made it through the entire song unaffected. I hope and pray that my girls will feel that way about me as they grow up.